View Full Version : Do you 'bribe' your kids?
Does it work if you do? If you don't, why not?
Christine
03-12-2007, 11:45 AM
Sure I do, although I call it "incentive" or "reward". ;)
I bribe them with praise, with an allowance and with special privileges and it works pretty well.
Kristi
03-12-2007, 12:08 PM
Sometimes. I prefer the term reward too. ;) I try not to do so too often. But sometimes for things like long errands or cleaning things like that I will tell them if they behave they will get a surprise. I don't always do it because I dont want them to feel like they should expect to get something everytime they behave well. It does work very well most of the time. They have learned that if they don't do what I ask they won't get anything ( I know parents who say that but then give in and give them something anyways) and that the promise is always kept if they do what is asked of them.
We use things like getting time on the computer or their Vsmile, small toys, or getting to go somewhere or do something special.
Nope. I haven't found it necessary, really. Now, I do sometimes say, "Okay, let's get cleaned up in here and then you guys can go watch a video" but it's never done in the sense of me feeling I have to give them something to get them to comply. They are going to clean the room when I say it's time, whether I let them do something fun afterward or not. It's just they are a little more encouraged to work quickly and do a good job if they know they get to do something fun when they get through. It takes their mind off of,
"Ugh, Mommy just told us to work" and puts it on, "Woohoo, we get to watch a video as soon as we're done!" But as for sitting down and saying, "If you do x, y and z, I will give you this" -- nope, never.
Kristen
03-12-2007, 01:39 PM
Yes, and sometimes we will pay them for chores too, that are above and beyond the call of duty.
When we adults go to a job, we are sort of being "bribed" to work. We work for the incentive of the pay. So, I see no issue with doing this with my children.
When I potty train, I use treats as a motivator, and I can see where that would be considered bribing. Mary, didn't you do some bribing while potty-training JZ?
My children WILL obey even if there isn't a reward in sight, so it's not that I have to use bribing in order to gain control over my household. :p I would be very unhappy if my children were so out of order that I had to bribe them in order to do something like get thru a grocery shopping trip. If bribing gets to that point, I'm not at all down with it.
Oftentimes, we give them rewards with no prior warning...like if one of the kids has been especially kind to one of their siblings, then we'll take them out for a slurpee or something similiar.
I TRIED bribing but it didn't do a darned bit of good! LOL Neither did anything else I tried until he decided to start doing it on his own, the stubborn little munchkin. But I was all for bribing in that case. It just didn't work on him.
Jejune
03-12-2007, 02:20 PM
I'm all for bribery, it's done in a constructive way. There's a big difference to me between a motivator and a helpless and feeble attempt to curb bad behavior with a bribe.
yummymommy
03-12-2007, 04:18 PM
Im sure I have but right now I cant really think of any examples! I know I will say things sometimes, like if you go and pick up your lego, get into your pjs and brush your teeth you can stay up for an extra 15/30 minutes. Normally Rylan will do as hes asked without me having to offer up anything, but at my moms house she has been paying him for doing chores so when he goes there hes all for helping out and doing chores, but he expects some $ in return.
I'm all for bribery, it's done in a constructive way. There's a big difference to me between a motivator and a helpless and feeble attempt to curb bad behavior with a bribe.
That's kind of what I was trying to get at, only in a non-articulate, long-winded and confusing way. :lmao
Jejune
03-12-2007, 05:00 PM
Well, rereading what I wrote, it's none too articulate! LOL I wrote "it's" when I meant "if"!
Ha, I didn't notice. My brain filled in the "if" for me. Go figure. :D
Jennee
03-12-2007, 05:27 PM
Im sure I have but right now I cant really think of any examples! I know I will say things sometimes, like if you go and pick up your lego, get into your pjs and brush your teeth you can stay up for an extra 15/30 minutes. Normally Rylan will do as hes asked without me having to offer up anything, but at my moms house she has been paying him for doing chores so when he goes there hes all for helping out and doing chores, but he expects some $ in return.
but thats what nannies are for heather.
i have to use positive reinforcements to get tasha to do her work, she now has to earn computer time to use it and its earned buy her compleeting school work
That's pretty much my main form of discipline right now, but I try to think of it more as encouragement or positive reinforcement.
I try very hard to never use things I don't want him doing on a regular basis (eating junk I don't normally allow him to eat, buying things), but I absolutely tie being able to do things he wants to do with doing things he has to do. He loves using the computer, and he hates brushing his teeth, and I tell him that if he wants to use the computer like a big boy, then he has to brush his teeth like a big boy. Today, he was refusing to drink water even though it was really hot, and I told him he'd have to stay inside in the air conditioning instead of going in the pool unless he drank water.
There are some things he likes that I never make conditional (I never make reading stories conditional, because I think it's so important, so we never cut out story time no matter how badly he's been acting), but things like computer time, watching DVDs, playing board games, painting, going to the playground, having a special snack (but not one I wouldn't otherwise allow)--basically anything that's time-consuming, messy, or that I allow him to do but don't want him doing all the time--I tie to how he behaves. If he doesn't have some incentive, then he just won't listen.
Entirely with Jejune on this one- it can be a constructive parenting tool, think about it in later life we're only really motivated to do things for what it will achieve at the end and i see bribing children as very similar to that. As long as it's not the main form of parenting being used it's fine by me!
I'm all for bribery, it's done in a constructive way. There's a big difference to me between a motivator and a helpless and feeble attempt to curb bad behavior with a bribe.
That is what I wanted to say, but since it's already been said, I will just Ditto it! LOL