How would you interpret this?

[Mary]

Let's say you, personally, think you need to lose weight and think you are unattractive. You keep talking about needing to get started on it and be healthier. Your husband hears you talking about it and yet does things like buying you your favorite non-diet soda, even when not asked, and not doing anything to encourage or otherwise facilitate the weight loss.

Would you take this as meaning he doesn't particularly care whether you lose any weight or not (in the sense of not minding how you currently look, I mean)?

I'm just curious what others think because this is what's going on at our house right now. Robert knows I think I look gross but doesn't seem inclined to help me do anything about it (not that it's his responsibility but there are a few small things he might do to support me if he was really worried about it, KWIM?) For example, he went to the store right before the kids and I came back from our trip to get food for us to have when we got back. He bought a whole box of Coke. Now, I didn't ask him to do that and it's not something we normally keep in the house, like to where I'd naturally expect him to buy it every time he went shopping. (He doesn't drink it; I drink a lot of Coke but I'm most likely to go out and get one from a fountain, or just buy one or two individual bottles at a time rather than always having a case in the house.) Anyway, so my point is, he bought it especially for me and put a bunch of them in the fridge. I'm trying to decide if I should take that as meaning he doesn't care one way or the other if I lose weight....or maybe he just was trying to be nice and didn't equate it with weight loss. I keep thinking, "Well, surely if he was secretly repulsed by me and wished I'd lose weight he wouldn't be out buying me dozens of cans of soda, or bringing donuts home and such." He's not the paranoid or jealous or controlling type, so he has no nefarious secret reasons for keeping me fat. ;)

Thoughts? Am I expecting way too much logic from a man? LOL

[elin]

LOL! I think most men are just clueless...my guess he was trying to do something nice. My DH will do that too, even though he supports me in my efforts to become healthier. He'll bring home dessert, and then realize it would be better to not. He has a hard time keeping weight on, so he doesn't think about those extra calories in the same way. Our culture just emphasizes food as a comfort or a reward, so it one of the first gifts we tend to think about.

[Mary]

Yeah, you're probably right!

Though dh has even more work to do in the weight-loss department than I have, so he should be thinking about this stuff. :giggle

[Mally's Mom]

Mary, I honestly think he was just trying to be nice. My DH does the same thing. He knows what my favorite ice cream is (DOVE) and the other day he brought a pint home, one of the girls he works with' husband works for Yarnell's ice cream and they use Dove chocolate in their ice cream. DH decided he would be sweet and bring me home some of the ice cream, he thought nothing of me wanting to lose weight, he just knew that was my favorite and got me some (yes, I did eat it, all of it!!! not in one sitting though!). I just don't think they think, he just knew you liked it and wanted to do something nice for you.

[Kristen]

I'd look at it as him just being nice and thoughtful, myself. Steve brings me my favorite dessert kind of things when he wants to surprise me with something(he always brings me mint chocolate type of stuff :giggle).

[Mary]

I just realized I didn't really make this clear in the initial post -- I have been beating myself really badly lately about my weight, thinking that surely dh must be disgusted by me and probably can't stand looking at me. If that were true, though; if he really hated how I look, you'd think that would always be on his mind, right? That's what I was getting at....surely if he couldn't stand my looks as much as I've been telling myself, he would try to nudge me toward losing weight. Does that make any sense? But maybe since he didn't look at those Cokes in the store and think, "No, Ms. Fatty doesn't need any of those" my weight doesn't bother him quite as much as I might think. That's what I was trying to get at. I'm not mad at him for bringing the Cokes; I'm just wondering if it's proof that my weight isn't on his mind as much as it's on mine. :)

[Kristen]

I bet that it's not bothering him nearly like you think it is. I think as a rule, guys are MUCH less picky about women's bodies than we think they are. Really. It's not that it would hurt their feelings if we looked like Victoria's Secret models(!), but it's more that they don't need to have someone look just like that in order to be attracted to them. Plus, I know that Steve's attraction to me has a whole heck of a lot more to do with who I am than with what I look like, and I'm sure Robert is not at all more shallow than Steve is.

[Beka]

David is always "nice" by bringing chocolate home for me LOL so I'd say he's just trying to be lovely.

Also i know with David he's more bothered about how I look for me, than for himself- he knows i get down when I'm not happy about my size/shape so any effort he makes to help me slim are for me not him

[Christine]

I totally agree with the other women. From what you've said about Robert in the past, I think he's just trying to be nice. Maybe there was a special at the store, he knew you'd like them and so he put some in the fridge for you to surprise you. I really do think if it was a major concern of his he'd either be badgering you about your weight (the not nice way to handle it) or he'd be encouraging healthier habits (the nice way to handle it). I'd vote that he was being super sweet and is totally clueless to how badly your weight is affecting you right now. :hugs

[Kristen]

In short, we just can't bring ourselves to think ill of your husband. :lmao

[Beka]

In short, we just can't bring ourselves to think ill of your husband. :lmao

Don't you find that, having known people online through the births of their children etc you form a mental picture of their partner and have already decided if they're a good person or not :giggle LOL

[Mary]

I'd vote that he was being super sweet and is totally clueless to how badly your weight is affecting you right now. :hugs

Robert, clueless? NEVER. :lmao Don't mind the fact that Eliza could probably sit next to him on the couch and perform an appendectomy on the cat with a kitchen knife and he wouldn't even notice. :rofl

In short, we just can't bring ourselves to think ill of your husband.

Well, there's probably good reason for that. LOL He is a pretty decent guy. He has to be to balance me out, I guess. :D

Thanks for the insight, everyone!

[MathSpeak]

Well, I'm late, but I totally agree with the other ladies... Mary, we tend to be a lot harder on ourselves than others are.

[Shana]

I completely agree with everyone else, with one thing that I would do. Because I'm pretty out front with everything that I say and feel and think with Brian, I would probably say something like, "Honey? You know I'm trying to lose weight, right? Soooo, what's up with the Coke?!" LOL

[kathy_o]

I alslo agree... he knows you like something so he is just trying to be nice. He probably doesn't care oneway or the other if you lose weight...he loves you just the way you are

[Brooke]

Yup, sounds like he's just trying to be nice and lovey. He probably never would have thought that you'd even be wondering all this. LOL

[Kristen]

Don't you find that, having known people online through the births of their children etc you form a mental picture of their partner and have already decided if they're a good person or not :giggle LOL

Oh yes...but then again, our opinions could be decidedly misinformed, depending on how vocal a particular wife is about her husband's flaws. For instance, you all probably have a much higher opinion of Steve than you might if you saw him IRL because I'm pretty tight-lipped when it comes to sharing his faults. LOL It could go the other way too...a really crabby wife could make her husband sound terrible when really he's not such a bad guy.