ARRGGH- Small husband rant

[Beka]

Ok, i love him to bits, he's fantastic- I'd do anything for the man but why oh why does he seem to take that to mean I can do everything for everyone?

Now you guys know I have 3 weeks to get us packed up entirely, house fixed up, new house sorted and moved and then 4 days after that leave for florida, I'm also helping with my sisters wedding to boot, the kids are still in school for 2 of those weeks, Jude has a million and one appts and people to see for various issues during this time too... so I'm a busy lady right?

Well David in all his kind heartedness called at break and announces "Ohhh it IS ok if I bring Bartek over on the weekend isn't it?"

HUH???

Ohhh Yes, my husband has volanteered me to walk Bartek and his new wife through the family financial support of the united kingdom... they've not lived in england long, their new baby is due in a few weeks and David has volanteered me to explain to them any/all financially assistance they can get as a family with a manual worker as main bread winner. They speak very little English- David has just helped him through his English exams for his citizenship qualifications to stay here. Now I have no issue with this... I have done it for countless people, explained our confusing system to them when they've moved here as our town can be remarkably hostile towards immigrant workers and more people should extend a hand when they're willing to work.

But WHY ohhh why does he feel i have time right now to do this???

When does this man think my shut off for having more than enough to do is?

(add to that the lady who knocked my door to see if i could help write her husband who has been incarcerated AGAIN.... hmmm, maybe I would have but ohhh let me see when i needed someone to walk Dyl into school when Jude was sick she said no she couldn't- even though she HAS to walk that route at those times sp hmmm... maybe I've forgotten how to write? I was gobsmacked she even asked after that but :sigh I am helping her :rolleyes although I HAVE given her the details of the new centre opening for when I move... i really need to learn when to say no.)

[almsthr]

Well dear, you may need to learn to say no, but in a very nice way. You have your hands full now and you don't need any more duties!

[Beka]

I do have massive issues with saying no... always seem to end up fitting in other things, you're right- I definately need to say no, could save me alot of hassle in the long run.

[kcmomma]

:hugs deep breaths, and give him something back to do too...:hugs

[Beka]

I volanteered him to move my mothers freezer :evil (doesn't sound that bad until I tell you it needs moving 2 flights of stairs :lmao )

[Erika]

LOL Good move! And as well as you saying no, you need to teach David to say no on your behalf!

:squeeze Just remember you will have a lovely time with David and the kids in Florida and it will be break from the norm (if not an actual break to relax).

[kathy_o]

Beka.....I agree, you really do need to learn how to say no.... and when you learn how, could you please explain it to me and teach me:hellno :) My problem is I say no, but I end up doing it anyway....I feel like I am being mean if I don't do things. But seriously..... think about yourself and what you need to do for your family first and then if you have anything left to give...go ahead and give. i tell my husband if you volunteer me for anything, just remember... if I don't have time you will have to do it. Then if he comes back to you and says "you said you would........" you can tell him..."No, YOU said I would....." My husband usually asks first now. maybe it would work for you.

Good luck !:squeeze

[almsthr]

Wow Kathy, I like that! I am going to use it too! Thank you.

[Beka]

ohhh i so need to update on this one... I don't think David's friendly "walk the new people through their entitlements" talk went as he expected it... entirely my fault but I went with what I know to be morally right.

It turned out Bartek wanted to know what money he could get for his NEW wife and NEW baby... Bartek has never divorced :rolleyes has a baby back in his native country with his ex-wife (but not legal ex-wife as no divorce) and therefore he is looking to stay here otherwise he will be arrested for bigamy on return home... Bartek also has another baby in England that he is not paying for.

Today I sent him to a solicitor to start his divorce proceedings officially and also to begin arrangements for child support on the child in Poland and the child he already has here and for access rights to the child he has here.

So hopefully I have helped right 3 womens lives (although heaven help Mrs Bartek #3 and their soon to arrive baby- she was a lovely woman who was largely clueless about the fact we have a system here where he has to pay for his other children even if not with their mothers)

I have threatened David anyone else he volanteers me to help this side of moving and vacation he'll be doing it himself! (helping them AND moving :rofl )

[Desirae]

Oh wow! WEll I'm glad you could help but can certainly understand your frustration! Good move on your part with the freezer though. :rofl