When do you tell someone to give up on a relationship?

[Beka]

Some one you care about, family or close friend, when do you tell them that in their place you'd seriously be considering giving up the relationship?

A friend of mine this last week has just found out her partner has been "trying it on" with other women again... around 18 months ago when we both had newborns she was told by another woman she'd had sex with him- in a parking lot, on the walk home from a local bar, it followed a couple of earlier allegations and the fact he has a 13 year old daughter with someone else despite them having had a 16 year relationship (this daughter only came to light when she was 5/6 and he claimed the mother had said she'd aborted the baby) Now this is her sil making the allegations and it's opened the flood gate- since people heard about it she's had 4 more people in 48 hours come up to her and tell her he's grabbed them/tried it on/offered sex for walking them home. She is a wreck, she's wondering if someone else is going to turn up and say "ohhh actually..." and most of all she feels like people think she's an idiot, she's not, she's a lovely, trusting woman.

So- at what point do you tell someone to walk away? Or help them set up boundaries where the relationship is going to be over if those lines are crossed in the future?

[Christine]

I've only done that once in recent years but it was after hearing and seeing a lot of abuse in the marriage. He cheated on her, used drugs and treated her horribly. It was too much for me to watch and not say anything. It wasn't easy, though, because I didn't want to lose her friendship.

[gr8mommy]

When you feel you can't NOT tell her.

[kathy_o]

Myself, I try to stay out of it but especially if it is a good friend, I would feel the responsibility as a friend to tell her. If someone cheats on you once, it may be a mistake but if it continually is happening, the person is not going to change and your friend deserves someone who will be faithful to her and treat her with the respect she deserves. A leopard does not change his spots. Think of it this way, put yourself in her position.... in this day and age would you want to havea relationship and have sex with someone who randomly has sex with people while walking the home from bars?????:nono
There are too many nice people in the world that would bemore than happy, I'm sure, to have a monogomous relationship that she can find rather than put herself in the position of sleeping with him and everone he's been with.

TELL HER !!!!

[kcmomma]

:hugs I agree with telling her, or at least offering a shoulder and words of wisdom for her to express her concerns :hugs good luck!