Do you ever hit a rough patch that feels like more than that?

[Brooke]

How's that for confusing? :P

Do you ever hit a rough patch with your spouse/SO that you feel is more than a rough patch? Where you feel like something is pretty much 'off' and you're not sure it's going to get better?

What do you do? Have you ever seriously considered leaving? What made you leave or stay?

[Christine]

Definitely. I would say that every time we hit a rough patch it feels like much, much more. It's only when I'm looking back at it that it can be classified as a "patch".

Honestly, Dave and I have always had a very rocky way of dealing with each other. We've gotten slowly better over the years, but when we're not good, we're just not good. It's more a matter of stubbornness and determination that gets us through. Sometimes it's a matter of one of us being willing to just make peace and that's usually me (because I crave peace so strongly).

I may want to walk away, but it's out of frustration, not because I'm ever done with this relationship. I'd have to be completely without emotion towards Dave and our marriage to ever even consider leaving. Usually it's the opposite and it's a matter of my emotion being too strong. In that case, I know I'm too tied into it to be going anywhere.

Not to mention, it's more often good. ;)

[Tobye]

Yeah. Unfortunately, I'm in it now. Thus my question about marriage counseling yesterday.:(:(

[Beka]

I may want to walk away, but it's out of frustration, not because I'm ever done with this relationship. I'd have to be completely without emotion towards Dave and our marriage to ever even consider leaving.

Look- I didn't even have to change the name to say "what she said" :giggle LOL

I think that is what makes the patches pass even when they feel so much more- the fact I have never yet reached the stage where I am 100% ready to give up on any hope for him and how I feel.

David and I hit one major, major patch when Chase was small- we'd been trying for Jude for some time, I was back in school, Chase was tiny and David had changed alot- I realise now it was the direct impact and fall out of my PPD on him, where as i got help to get better he was just expected to deal with how emotionally draining being my support was for him. Suddenly the lovely, happy, insane confident David the "all better from depression" me was eager to return to being the partner of wasn't there anymore, he was a big, fat, hateful, bitter depressed mess himself- resentful that I was able to be better and back to me when he was a long way from feeling like himself after what the previous 18 months had put him through.

We reached the point where I loved him but I wasn't at all IN love with him, I'd always love him as the father of my children and as one of my very best friends but I wasn't in love with him.

We remained living together for practical & financial reasons and as I very desperately still wanted a second child he even agreed to continue with the fertility treatments to achieve that goal because ultimately he was still my friend if we weren't in love and we both still wanted Chase to have a 100% biological sibling reguardless of if we were together as a couple or just friends co-parenting (this probably sounds so odd to some people but in the very beginning when pg with Chase we weren't a couple- we were 2 friends having the same baby and then we fell in love, and so we felt it could still work with a second as we'd come so far in fertility work & investigations and it was growing increasingly obvious I'd struggle to have that second child- if at all) so despite living together we called it a day on our engagement- I gave him back his ring and we decided to work on things- we set a goal that if we didn't feel better about each other by the january he'd sign over the house & Chase to me and would leave

What gave us the extra push to work on it? My uncle died in the October and it reminded me how important it is to give the extra bit if you feel there is any hope of fixing a relationship. My aunt and uncle had been married 40 years when he died and she nursed him to his death, BOTH of them had committed adultery during their marriage and that would have torn most people apart but they both decided to forgive and work on things and they did- David wouldn't believe they'd ever had any issues so I guess it showed us both what love can do for a relationship and also it showed us we could well have been throwing away the only person we were meant to be with.

David is my bestfriend and I knew I'd want to keep him as that whether in love with him or not and i resigned myself to the fact I'd be a lucky woman just to be married to her bestfriend for life - in love or not. We worked on things, he found himself again as a person and things went really well from there on in. I am truly in love with him now as an adult, I made the transition from teenagers with a baby to adults who chose to be together during that time and we're happy.... 3 kids, 1 wedding later ;)

[Jbird]

We certainly have gone through these periods. Still do. Maybe it's a patch, maybe not. I'd say it's more serious than a patch. We've got 1-2 serious issues (related to each other), and I don't really know whether or not our relationship will be able to eventually recover or not. We're certainly working on it, though. And both putting our best into it. And having kids makes a difference, too.

[Lisa]

I can honestly say no. We've had times where things weren't the best but it was always outside factors, nothing really wrong with our relationship. We have been extremely lucky in that we have never really had to work hard for our relationship. It just always has been. I'm not trying to brag either and you can bet I know how lucky we are to have that kind of a relationship.

[Danielle]

Yes, but only once and it ended up being a whole huge number of other factors (money, job, family, overall stress, etc.) more than our actual marriage. It took awhile but I'm very glad we worked through it since our relationship is much stronger for having gone through it.

[Shana]

Not yet. But we haven't even been married 9 months yet... give it time ;)

[Jejune]

We've had some very rough patches, but in the end, nothing worth ending our relationship over. I have had a few times where I wondered if we'd be able to work it out, or if I should leave, but in the end, the rough patches have passed.

Honestly, having had him out of town for five weeks and seeing what that did to the kids makes me very sure that I'd try to work it out in almost all instances. Nora's still afraid that he'll leave again and she tries to keep him in her sight at all times. They were pretty strongly affected by it. It put the stakes pretty high - things would have to be really, really bad for me to leave.

[Amber]

I'm divorced, so yes, I have had that feeling. But our rough patches were always clearly more than rough patches. We had some major problems.

The thing that made me finally leave was his dishonesty. It's really hard to trust someone who lies to you repeatedly. There were other problems, but that was the biggie.

[Jenny]

yes and I almost left the marriage earlier this year. I was just "done" with it.but if you read my post in the "counseling" post, you will see more to it.

[Jejune]

Big hugs, Jenny. Those rough patches are killer.