Need advice on getting DS to clean up his toys

[Amber]

I'm having a really hard time figuring out what to do. Two of my 3 kids (the 6 yo & the 2 yo) will clean up after themselves. My nearly 5 yo, though, refuses. The toys DO get cleaned up, but he never helps with the cleaning. I've tried making it fun for him (having them race each other, setting a timer, tossing toys into baskets, etc.), but he doesn't fall for that. Boxing up the toys that are left on the floor isn't really an option, because it isn't fair to the kids who do clean up the toys. I do break up the cleaning into more manageable tasks (for example, just asking him to clean up the blocks rather than saying "go clean your room"), but that doesn't make a difference with him.

Right now I'm just giving him arbitrary punishments like taking away video game time (they're allowed video game time on weekends). But it's so unrelated to the issue of him not cleaning up that it seems illogical.

Anybody have any suggestions for ways to get him involved in the cleaning up?

[Brooke]

Ugh, we must have the same kid. Xander just turned 5, but he's been like this for a few months now. He is just absolutely refusing to clean. Tonight, he cleaned and it was the first time in months that he did it w/o bitching and whining. I don't even know how it happened. LOL

Well, now that I think about it, maybe it was because there wasn't a lot to clean up so he wasn't overwhelmed. Usually we pick up at the end of the day when things are all over the place. The last few days though, it has actually been clean here so there was very little to pick up. Maybe he was just overwhelmed and didn't know where to start? Just thinking *out loud* cuz maybe it will help one of us. LOL

We have to do the same thing in the morning to get him out of bed and off to school. He hates it. We try the racing thing -- he's Lightning McQueen and Kyle is Mater :giggle, giving choices, waking up slowly. Doesn't matter, what works one day will not work the next. I dread the days I have to get him up to go school lately.

[Amber]

OMG yes, Joshua is the same way about school. It's a huge ordeal every day.

me: "Here, Josh. Which shoes do you want to wear today?"
Josh: "I don't want to put my shoes on"
me: "Well, you can't go to school without shoes, silly. Do you want the brown ones or the sneakers?"
Josh: "I don't want any shoes. Or socks."

Eventually I just put the shoes on him myself while he whines about it. Then we repeat the whole scene with a coat. Or a backpack. Or half the time, getting on the bus. Then later with coming into the house when he gets home.

The school issues are recent, but the cleaning issue has been a problem for a long time. I don't think it's an issue with him being overwhelmed...that's how Caleb is, so I already make a habit of giving them small, manageable tasks (such as "clean up the blocks") rather than just telling them to clean their room. Oddly enough, Tristan is only 2 & if I tell him it's time to clean up the room, he just hops up & starts putting stuff away. I don't have to break it into tasks for him.

[Jennee]

maybe tell him if he doesnt help clean up then he wont be alowed to play in there for x amount of time?

[Amber]

Jennee, that's kind of what I'm leaning towards. I feel bad, though, because that's where all the toys are. So he really wouldn't have anything to do if I ban him from the room. Maybe I could ban him from the room & allow him to take ONE toy with him? Then when he brings the toy back & puts it up, he can choose another one? Obviously that wouldn't be permanent, but maybe it'd encourage him to pick up after himself?

And it does seem to "fit the crime". If he chooses not to help clean up the playroom, he is no longer able to make a mess in it.

[Brooke]

One thing they do at Xander's school, which we need to start at home, is to do the "rug rule". He goes to a Montessori and they have a ton of rugs that are the size of ones you put in front of your bathtub. 3 x 4 maybe? If that. Their rule for play/work time is you can take something out and you have to play with it on your rug. You can't take out more than what fits on the rug (with some exceptions). And you cannot take out another toy until whatever you were playing with first is put away. At the end of play/work time, the rug and all things get put away.

Not sure if it would work, but maybe it's worth a try. I keep telling myself to buy a rug and do it, just never have. They have the basic Rag Rugs at Target for like $4. They are the kind that fold, are usually striped, have the fringe on the ends. THey're perfect for this.

Good luck! If I would follow my own advice, life around here might be better too. :giggle

[Amber]

Their rule for play/work time is you can take something out and you have to play with it on your rug. You can't take out more than what fits on the rug (with some exceptions). And you cannot take out another toy until whatever you were playing with first is put away. At the end of play/work time, the rug and all things get put away.

It's a great idea. I think I'd suck at enforcing it, but it's definitely a good idea :giggle