Gun-Shy Parenting

[Jejune]

What do you think of this article (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/discussion/2007/02/23/DI2007022301285.html)? What do you think of zero-tolerance policies for guns? I'm not so much asking what your family does, but that could certainly be used to clarify your position. I'm more interested in what you think of the culture of anti-gun in terms of kids.

I heard the fellow from the link on the radio yesterday, and I had some thoughts on what he said. I'd be interested in seeing what others think

[Lori]

I'm really not sure what to think about the article. I do think that someone is in a privileged position if their kids are able to play with guns in an innocent way, and that should be acknowledged. Living in an inner city where gun violence is a very, very real problem, I certainly would not fault any parent here for having zero tolerance for guns. It's very easy for me, with my plans to move to the suburbs in a few months, to say that playing with guns just isn't a big deal, but in communities where gun violence is an everyday reality, I can understand why a parent wouldn't see it as play and would have zero tolerance, and I commend parents for taking that stand.

[Jo]

I think zero tolerance is probably unrealistic when it comes to boys. I understand if parents want to keep guns and gun like objects out of their homes and their children out of environments where such play occurs. But as far as I can tell, boys are much more 'violent' in their play than girls and they will just find way to have that outlet. I think it makes more sense to funnel that play in a healthy way rather than totally ban it.

If we were ever to have a boy, I am not going to try to ban gun play. If my girls are tomboys like me, I won't ban it from them either. It is just far less likely that I will ever have to seriously deal with this issue.

[Kristi]

I agree with what Jo said. We do allow the boys to play with toy guns but they have rules as to how to play with them. Like not telling each other they are going to kill each other and things like that. We explain the difference to them as well as we can between play and the real thing. Mostly they use them when playing pirates. :giggle They shoot the "bad pirates" I can understand why some people want to avoid it. Even if you don't allow guns boys can "make" them out of anything and I noticed them doing so w/ sticks and such before we had them. Boys will find other ways to introduce violence into their play (and I am sure some girls too) so i think its more important to teach them how to do that in a healthy way rather than to try to ban it all together.

I do think it is fine for some to ban playing with them. MY Bil is a cop and has to bring home his gun and even though it is always locked away they do not allow toys with guns in their home because they are afraid he might some how get a hold of his and think it is just another toy. I am not sure though I hope they are teaching him about the difference anyways.

[Lori]

We haven't had guns be an issue yet, but I'm pretty easy-going parenting wise about most things, and while I wouldn't choose a toy gun for Thomas, it's not something I think is worth fighting over. I am very committed to non-violence, but personally I do think that imaginary violent play, as long as all the children involved are having fun and don't feel threatened, is developmentally just fine at certain stages. I'd feel very differently about my 5-year-old wanting a toy gun than my 13-year-old obsessing over gun magazines, and in the first case I'd probably just put up with the play.

But, if Thomas did want or have toy weapons, I wouldn't have his friends play with them unless I knew it was fine with their parents, and I would have no problem with a parent not wanting their child playing with them. Honestly, that's probably the part of the article that bugged me. I do think that, when dealing with any sort of controversial toy, you can't get all bent out of shape if you bring it out in public and other parents get upset, whether it be a toy gun or an anatomically correct doll, or whatever. I'm very easy-going, as I said, about most parenting issues, but I also try to be respectful of other parents, and if that means we only do certain things in our house, then so be it. I have a book on reproduction for little kids that I think is just great, and Thomas loves to look at it, but I wouldn't bring it out if he had friends over, unless I was sure it was okay with their parents. I see toy guns the same way, and I don't see any reason to get frustrated with other parents making different choices.