Guardianship and other fun legal matters

[Polly]

This is in reference to Beryl's last post. I guess in choosing a guardian for your child/children you pick the person who will parent in a style that is closest to your preferred method. Yes, it helps if it is blood related for positive family stuff (stories, knowing family health history) but if no one is available (too young, too old, etc.) or unacceptable, feel free to look outside your family. Just make sure they know who is the guardian.

CJ and I chose his mom. Why? I love my mother but we have some VERY big differences over discipline, etc. She loses her temper very quickly and can't ever admit she is wrong. Not good. CJ's mom is great! Plus, as a former kindergarten teacher she has the education thing going for her.

However, we did not put all of our eggs in one basket. My dad is the executor of our will and money. Meaning that while CJ's family will get Elizabeth, they will have to work with my family to figure out finances. :D
Our lawyer did tell us that we need to revise our will in 5 years because sometimes the guardians you choose become ineligible or unwilling due to age, health, etc. So we'll see if my brother grows up by then.

Polly

[Beka]

we chose my big sister Bob- why? well we considered several people first...

my parents love and adore my kids but they are both pushing 60 which would put them as 70 somethings with 4 teenagers, dh and i were both troublesome teens and it doesn't seem right they have to deal with 4 teens in their 70s- travelling them to school and back etc, plus we knew whoever got our kids my mother would remain extremely involved in their lives.

DH's mother (little contact with his father so he never entered the equation) is lovely, a strong woman, has youth on her side as she was a teen when dh was born, we were teens when our eldest was born- in effect mil was younger first time granny than some are first time mother, however mil is very transiant and therefore unsuitable plus after being a single mother for almost 20 years she really deserves her retirement in peace

DH's eldest younger sister parents extremely militantly compared to us, has little ambition for her children other than for them to be "off her hands" and i fear she'd never encourage my children to fullfill even 1 ounce of their potential

dh's youngest younger sister- the baby (we raised her for a short while ourselves) is a fabulous mother, she truly is, she parents slightly differently from us but my kids could live with that, however she is young- only just 12 years older than my oldest and she is financially limited, she'd raise my kids happy but we know what it's like to be a young family and wouldn't want to burden them with twice as many kids as they have of their own.

DH's bestfriend was a consideration until he married a woman who doesn't want kids- hardly makes for a family for my kids.

sooooo my sister seemed ideal because she is an extremely wealthy woman, her partner is great with our kids, they are childless and not likely to have more than 1 or 2 children at best, my sister is very much a go-getter, she would raise the children witha realistic idea of who David and I are and she would encourage them to fullfill dreams no matter what they are- i know she'd help them train, travel, go to university, start a business- whatever they want out of life she would support it just the same way we would, I also know if my kids went to live with her my mother and father would probably move locally to be her support network- she maintains a friendship with my MIL and SIL2 as well which would mean my children would keep good contact with Dh's family too which is pretty much why we chose my sister,.

[Maleah]

We were just talking about this yesterday.

With soon to be 6 kids, we really need to get this one paper and dealt with soon.

DH has a cousin that are pretty good canidates. They've always been involved and have taken in other kids or tried to when they needed it. They have two boys of their own who are close in age. She's a minister and he's a school teacher. Question is, would they want to be responsible for 8 kids total? We're going to talk to them this week.

Our second choice is DH's best friend that he's grown up with. They have 4 kids. They're good people, but that's just a lot of kids!

Since we have so many kids DH always keeps a pretty large insurance policy for them. The money would go to FIL. He's great with money and the fairest person I know. And if something happened to him, then it would go to a lawyer or something.

[SabrinaJL]

We chose my parents. She's totally attached to my parents as we've lived with them on and off over the years. They're in their early 60's, late 50's, but as it's just Krysten and she's already 13, I don't think it'd be a problem.

DH's parents were never a consideration because they really have nothing to do with Krysten. It'd be like sending her to live with complete strangers. I thought about my sister, but at this point, she has a son who is Krysten's age (and has ADHD and problems in school), a 4 year old daughter (whom she thinks may be autistic) and a 3 year old son (who is a button-pusher/handful). I feel she has enough on her plate without having to deal with an extra teenager.

[Val]

We haven't picked gaurdians for the kids yet. We don't have any close friends that know the kids very well, and in our families we don't feel like anyone would be a great fit. I suppose we need to suck it up and pick the "lesser evil" so to speak.

[Lori]

We had originally chosen my parents, but now that I know my sister's husband better, and see the two of them together, I think they would be our choice, simply because they're so much younger and would have a lot more energy. I don't think they'd parent in exactly the same way we do, but I have no doubt they'd love Thomas and any other kids we had very much and would treat them well.

[wendygrace]

We haven't picked gaurdians for the kids yet. We don't have any close friends that know the kids very well, and in our families we don't feel like anyone would be a great fit. I suppose we need to suck it up and pick the "lesser evil" so to speak.

I'm with Val here. No good options. We have considered a good friend of mine but we're not there yet. One of our hardest decisions is that we know noone who homeschools and this would be very important for my ds.

[Christine]

We had a really hard time with this one.

My Mom and Stepdad aren't good choices because they're not even CLOSE to the type of parents we'd want for our children. Even though my Mom knows where she messed up with my sister and I, she's making the same glaring mistakes with my brother. No way.

Dave's parents - gotta love them but they've turned out addicts and psychopaths - LITERALLY. They're great grandparents but I wouldn't put that on them.

My dad - well, he doesn't like kids so that would be a BAD idea!

My sister and BIL, although good people, don't have the same faith as we do and that would be extremely important.

We have chosen some friends of ours. They're in the process of raising three kids (one is grown, two teens) and have done a great job! They're financially comfortable, so four kids wouldn't wreck them. They have similar parenting styles. They also love our family very much and would do everything in their power to do right by my girls. If I had any doubts, they were gone when I saw how they reacted to us asking them. :D We just need to make it official now.

[Mary]

We don't have any choice, here. Dh has his dad, who is past 70 and has his hands full taking care of himself, and a brother who is a felon, never married and doesn't have kids. He has no family with whom he's close; just some cousins on his mom's side who he's seen once or twice in the past ten years. I have a half-brother (completely and wholly inappropriate) and a half-sister (same) who are 10 and 11 years older than I am and whom I never see and never even speak to. I have only a few friends, none of whom I'd be comfortable enough to leave my kids with. I have many cousins but none to whom I am close enough to ask to raise my children. That leaves us with my parents. Not the ideal situation but it's all we have.

[Kristi]

Same as Val here. Our problem is My parents don't have the money for it right now because they have 4 kids at home still. So I don't want to make them the guardians yet just in case something happens soon. Maybe they would be an acceptable choice once my youngest brother graduates but right now no. Tim's sister would not be too bad except she and their other sister don't associate with Tim's dad and stepmom I would want the kids to get see them still whenever they wanted to. For the same reason we cannot let his dad have them because I want them to be able to see their aunts and cousins. I hope my sister will be an acceptable option one day but right now she is only 17. We thought about good friends of ours at one point but they are getting divorced now and live so far from our families that we decided not to go with them. Tim does not really associate with any of his aunts or uncles or cousins and all of mine either are not able to because of finances. Like my one uncle works at Kmart and barely affords his one bedroom apt. there is no way he could take three kids. One Uncle has twins who are 6 and then his wife has two older boys and my other aunt has adopted three young children about the same age as my boys so I do not think she could. That leaves one other Aunt who I would not mind having the kids go to but Tim does not know her that well and really wants his sister to have them which I refuse to agree to because of his dad.

[SabrinaJL]

Kristi, even though they don't have money for it now, if something happened to you both, don't you think Tim's SGLI would go a long way towards helping them take care of the kids? Quite honestly, the money was the least of my worries about who would take care of her considering DH's SGLI is $400,000 and my insurance policy is $100,000.

[Kristi]

I don't think I ever even thought about that Sabrina. Good point. I will have to remind him about it because we need to get something set up soon. Tim's is not as much as your Dh has but it would be enough to be a big help to them.

ETA: That I think most of the reason we haven't decided is because we disagree on who should have them. He wants his sister too and there is no way I will allow my children to be dragged into all their stupid drama/

[Shana]

Mike and I didn't choose either of our parents because, well... number one, they are OLD LOL and how can they handle a house full of teenagers in their late 60s early 70s.

We chose my sister and her husband, who most closely match up to our ideals and our beliefs, and topped by the fact that other than my parents, there is NO ONE that we trust more than my sister, and you get the idea ;)

[Desirae]

We chose my parents. Both sets of parents are AWESOME, however we want our children raised in a Christian home. Sean's parents don't go to church and his father appears to have no faith whatsoever.

[Lori]

Mike and I didn't choose either of our parents because, well... number one, they are OLD LOL and how can they handle a house full of teenagers in their late 60s early 70s.

That was our concern with my parents. Sean's parents were never really an option, because they are already in their 60s and his dad has health problems. My parents are younger and are healthy, but they'd be in their 70s when Thomas was a teenager, and that would be rough for everyone. They'd do it if we wanted, but I think they'd also prefer to enjoy their retirement without raising kids, whereas I know my sister and my BIL would have the energy and would want to do it.