Sort of a Clinton spin-off: Would infidelity be a deal-breaker for you?

[Lori]

Would you leave your spouse or partner if they cheated on you? Do you think your spouse would leave you?

[freebiemom]

Years ago I would have said I'd be gone in a minute. But now, after 17 years and four kids, I think I would try and work through our problems that led to the infedility and hope that the trust could be earned again so that our marriage and life together could continue. If it happened a second time, then I would have to know that it's over and move on with my life without him.

As for DH, I'd like to think he feels the same but he has said before that if I ever cheat on him that he would be gone. However, I don't know that he, after all this time, could just say goodbye that easily either.

[Danielle]

Yes I would and I would expect him to as well. Having been cheated on by an ex in the past and trying to move past it and continue the relationship, I know that's not an option for me at all. I could never again fully trust someone who would cheat and I could never put myself or my kids through the torture of being in a realtionship without trust.

[Erika]

I don't think I could trust him again and that would kill our relationship (along with the infidelity).

However, while it most likely would be a deal breaker, I would have to see about the circumstances at the time.

[Lori]

I really don't know. Sean never did another sexual with another person, but he did do something stupid and unfaithful that hurt me a lot and really screwed up his life, and right after I felt like, if he ever even thought about cheating on me, I'd leave him in a second.

Now, I'm not so sure. I think it's unlikely it would happen, but it would really depend on the circumstances. If he seemed to genuinely regret it and want to make things better, and admitted it to me, I'd be more likely to forgive him and be willing to try to make things work. But I might not. Sexual fidelity, while important to me, is less important to me than other aspects of our marriage, so it's not something that would be a deal-breaker because of the sex, but it could be for other reasons. But I also feel like, I'm not perfect, I mess up all the time, and I don't perfectly keep all of my commitments to him, so I'd want to be able to forgive him and maintain our relationship, if that seemed like a viable possibility.

Sean wouldn't leave me if I cheated on him. He'd be very hurt, and it would be hard, but he'd forgive me. At least once, anyway. If it was a pattern, I'd imagine he'd leave.

[Jejune]

I don't know. I hope never to find out. But I think it probably would be a deal breaker, in the end.

[Kristen]

That would depend on how much of a pattern it was, and also on how repentant he was.

Also, it's hard to say now. God gives grace that is sufficient for the day. Right now, I think I might not have the grace to forgive something like that, but God could give me the ability when I needed it.

A certain deal-breaker would be repeated acts of infidelity. It would signal a lack of true repentance to me, because repentance involves change.

[Jbird]

Totally depends on the circumstances. People do make mistakes. Trust becomes an issue, but I believe, depending on the circumstances of course, that if both partners are committed to working through it, it is possible to regain trust and be a stronger and more loving couple than you were before. I take the notion of marriage being a commitment quite seriously. That being said, there is no excuse for repeated instances of straying, and if one partner is unwilling to stay monogamous, that is a deal breaker.

[Mary]

I'd like to say I'd be big enough to get past it if it was a one-time thing, but the truth is, I doubt I could be. I don't think I'd be able to get over it and it would end up killing the marriage.

I'm pretty sure it would be a deal-breaker on his side, too.

[Jo]

Yes it is. period.

Yes he would.period.

[Kristi]

I want to say yes. But you never know. If it had happened repeatedly then yes I would probably be gone. If it was a one time thing that he truly regretted. Then I might stay and try to work things out

[Chaimom]

Probably. I can't say for sure, but more than likely I would leave.

[Tobye]

Hard to say. Once you've been married a long time and kids are involved, there's a lot more at stake then when you are just dating someone and they cheat. We are told to forgive, but in that circumstance, it would be a faith tester.

[hillsturner]

Here comes the voice of experience. If any of you have read any of my comments, you know that I've been married for 21 years and most of them were not that great. I would have said after 13 years of marriage that my husband would never cheat....it was something that I would have staked my life on...I was that sure. As I'm sure you've guessed, my husband had been cheating for years. Up to that point he admitted to only 3 times, but if any of you listen to Dr. Phil that really meant alot more. So...I left. Packed the kids moved all the way across the country. HE filed for divorce. Nine months later, alot of counseling, he got "religion" we stayed married. I didn't trust him (still don't) which was obviously a huge strain. Five years later another affair. Yes, it was a pattern. He went nuts. ( I was a bitter, hateful shrew for over a year) I had him arrested blah blah blah. Long story I know but the point is until you've been there you don't know what you will do. I always said if he cheated I'd leave. Well, with three babies ( I say babies just because they'll always be my babies, but they were 16, 14 and 7 when the last one happened) and no education you can't always do that. I had more counseling, made it through college....sometimes parked at the gas station studying...and I am still married. There were several factors involved in my decision. One...I married for life...good or bad. Two...I stayed home for 17 years with the children so he could build his career and move up in both income and responsibilty and I claimed some of his success. Three...while I couldn't trust that he would be faithful, I did trust that he would always support me and the children even if he had to dig ditches 24/7 to do it he would and I trusted God.

Finally, I changed. You might think that I would be consumed with doubt and suspicion especially since he works out of town during the week and is only home on the weekends, but I'm not. What he does is on him and I take no responsibility for his actions. We've both grown up and now that my oldest is getting married this summer and my middle is going away to college he realizes what he's missed and that I am his only true friend on the planet. That will humble a man. I hate that it's taken all these years for him to grow up and mature, but he has and I'm where I believe I'm suppose to be.