Let's pretend for a moment that I met this great guy...

[Maleah]

and let's assume that he isn't afraid of 6 kids and thinks I'm hot. (Still with me or is this too far fetched yet? :giggle)

If we were to start to get serious, when and how would I introduce the him to the kids?

Scott and I have said that we're still a family. We'll still do stuff together, birthdays, holidays and whatnot. And I've always thought that I would date for me and keep the kids out of the relationship, but now I'm thinking a blended family (with the right guy) might not be a bad thing.

What a balancing act this is going to be.

[Beka]

I'd say leave it until you're fairly certain he'll be staying around long term- or if you do want to introduce prior to that make it very plain to the kids this is a man you are dating, not a man who is potentially a step father.

I know it's not entirely the same but I'll use the example of my mil- mil has had several serious partners since Chase was a baby, due to Davids experience growing up he was very cautious about not when but how chase was introduced to them- we made it very simple to her that these were men nanny was dating/moving in with, they were not a "new" grandad or Pop, they were nanny's boyfriend. As a result when the relationships broke down/didn't turn out to be as long term as mil thought they would for various reasons Chase didn't lose a grandad or step-pop, she just saw nanny go back to single or find a new boyfriend. My sil however thought we were being offish and threw herself into making her kids call them all Pop or Grandad XXXX - each time mils relationships have fallen down sil's kids feel they've lost a grandparent and it's hard on them, very hard. MIL has been with her present partner for 5 years now- Jude, Dyl and Loks have never known her with a different partner however they all still call him by his first name, they have a great relationship with him, he is more of a grandfather than their biological paternal grandfather but I feel they're a bit more protected.

I am not saying any men you date would vanish but I am saying as a mom it's our duty to guard our kids a little emotionally.

I also think maintaining a family style relationship civilly with Scott shouldn't infringe on your own prospects of moving forward and finding a new relationship when you're ready. There may come a time when Scott is going to see like the 3rd wheel on vacations etc when you have a new partner and i think it might be wise to point this out to him sooner rather than later, yes you are happy to share family things with him but it's not going to stop you rebuilding your life and you're not going to set a new partner aside everytime he feels the need to play family.

(but that's just me- I've never been in your situation)

[Danielle]

I think that I would introduce him as a friend and maybe take the kids to the zoo or something for the first few introductions. I'd try to keep them from realizing this was a potential relationship until it was very serious. I would also not have him at my house overnight at all until we were in a committed realtionship, potentially going to lead to marriage.

[Mary]

I'm with Beka and Danielle. I think I'd wait for months before I even considered introducing him to the kids and, even then, it would be done with him as a friend. I'd ask him to be nice to the kids but to avoid anything that smacked of any type of bonding. I'd be very cautious about making sure the kids only viewed him as a friend of mine and not a father-figure.

[Sam]

I agree with Beka.

I accidentally fell pregnant so I soon had to tell them Tom was more than a friend. Good luck with whatever you do decide :)

[Kami]

I agree with Beka & Danielle. ;)

[freebiemom]

I agree with everyone and I know this is hypothetical but make sure you take it slow when it does happen. You have just seperated and need time to find yourself (as best you can while taking care of six kids!) and heal from this relationship before starting another. Not that you've found someone but I'm just giving my advice before you do. :hugs

And another thing I have to say is that I really have a problem with overnight stays while the kids are there. I'm not naive but I would not be having my "friend" sleep over while my kids are home because I am their parent and trying to guide them and develop their morals and values. What are they gonna think it's okay for them to do if they see my "friend" staying over? Just my opinion on that.

[Maleah]

I was just thinking about this today and its not something that is going to happen anytime in the near future. Just one of those things, you know?

Before I bring the kids into it, he'd have to be very special and have a long established relationship. And I agree with the nights over or anyone moving in until its marriage potiental.

Thanks for the advice, Beka. You were right along the lines I was thinking.

[Lori]

This is just a hypothetical reply, but I think the age of the child would really come into play. I think that, with a younger child, there's no reason for them to know about a parent's dating. But, I think, personally, I'd be honest with an older child. I mean, if I were in that situation, it's not like I'd be going out with a different guy every night, so it's not like I'd have anything to be ashamed of, kwim? I certainly don't think kids should be the person a parent goes to to complain about relationship problems, but I also don't see anything wrong with an older child knowing that a parent is dating or meeting the person, even before it's an extremely serious thing.

[Cyndi]

I would wait awhile, if it were me. I would want to make sure that he was going to be in my life for awhile first. And even then I would introduce him as a friend.

[Shana]

Well. Brian didn't meet my kids until we had been together for 10 months. By then, I knew for sure that he was committed to me, and would be to them, as well :)