Parenting Books: Required Reading!!

[off-kilter]

I am, as of yet, still not a mom, spiffy though I might indeed be. I was wondering what books have you found invaluable in your parenting adventures? What should have been Required Reading? What book sucked so bad that the only reason you picked it up again was to throw it HARDER against the wall?

In pregnancy?
New parenting?
Toddler/preschool?
Middle years?
Teens?

In general to keep from going completely insane?

Thanks!

[Jo]

I HATE all of the What to Expect series. I have only read the pregnancy and first years ones. The pregnancy one seems designed to scare the crap out of you so you will be a good patient for the doctors. The first year one was thrown out when it told me to get ready for weaning at 11 months.

I do like the Dr Sears baby book. I just refused to get to stressed that I don't like baby wearing but I liked the rest of his advice. As for the baby wearing, I was hot and uncomfortable. I do think it has great benefits for people who enjoy it. He tends to push it very hard though. I have perused other books of his and liked the bits I read too.

My favorite displine book so far is Setting Limits with your Strong Willed Child. It has really helped me with Mira who is very spirited. I like the fact it stresses logical consequences but doesn't advocate spanking as a logical form of discipline. It doesn't work for us so it was nice to read a book that deals with spirited children and that wasn't pushed to be part of the repertoire.

I am currently reading Queen Bees & Wannabees. It seems like a good book so far. Since I have all girls, it seemed worth checking out. This is the only book I have read that touches on adolescence. I know I will check out more as my kids get older.

There are a few siblings of special needs books that I have read as well but the names escape me. I did find them helpful in understanding the family dynamic between special needs children and their typical siblings.

[Lori]

I HATE all of the What to Expect series. I have only read the pregnancy and first years ones. The pregnancy one seems designed to scare the crap out of you so you will be a good patient for the doctors. The first year one was thrown out when it told me to get ready for weaning at 11 months.

:yup I absolutely hate those books. I only got the pregnancy one, but I've seen the other ones, and they look just as bad. The main advice I got from the pregnancy one? Eating junk food while pregnant is about the equivalent of hitting yourself in the stomach with a baseball bat. And, if you notice the slightest thing wrong, it probably means the fetus is in mortal danger and you should rush to the doctor ASAP.

I actually have a funny story about that book. At one point while I was pregnant, Thomas had hiccups for a really long time. So I was just curious about it, looked it up in the book, and it said that prolonged hiccups could be a sign that the cord was wrapped around his neck and so I should call my doctor immediately. So, I did. They basically laughed at me and said they'd never heard that before. A few days later, I had my OB appointment, and they told me that, since I'd called, they'd had a few other frantic women calling with the exact same question. Apparently it was a new edition of the book, and that information hadn't been in there before. They actually called a meeting at the OBs' office to talk about it, and none of them knew of or could find any medical basis for the claim.

At that point, I just got rid of the book.

[Beka]

aside from taking charge of your fertility by dr toni welscher i have to say it's a big :hellno to parenting books from here - my kids haven't read them so i can't expect them to conform to them ;) i've been largely a common sense, instinct and research on the web type parent thus far and it's working out quite nicely

[Amber]

The Baby Book by Dr. Sears
How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen and Listen So Your Kids Will Talk by Mazlish & Faber
Siblings Without Rivalry (I think this was also by Mazlish & Faber?)

[Jejune]

The Baby Book by Dr. Sears
How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen and Listen So Your Kids Will Talk by Mazlish & Faber
Siblings Without Rivalry (I think this was also by Mazlish & Faber?)

I'll second all of these, and add Positive Discipline by Jane Nelson and the Sears' The Discipline Book. I actually like all of the Sears' books, but they should be taken with a grain of salt. Dr. Sears, seeing his wife raise eight children, has naturally come to the conclusion that she is perfect, and he writes about her in a worshipful way that makes other mothers feel inferior. I ignore this, because I find the information and advice helpful. I take what I like and leave the rest, and I happen to like most of it. Their Pregnancy Book was the only book I found while pregnant that seemed informative and that didn't scare the bejeezus out of me.

Whatever you do, avoid the book put out by Better Homes and Gardens. My mother gave it to me, having never looked inside, and there was a chapter that began with something like, "What if a good fairy could give you a magical elixir that would work as birth control, feed your little angel, keep you healthy, and lull you both off to sleep? Well, the fairy is real, and the elixir is called breast milk!" I vomited into my mouth a little, and then gave the book away.

[YourMom]

And see, Jejune, I love that quote! LOL

I loved Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth for pregnancy.

And I always have to give a plug for The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding.

[Jejune]

Don't you remember right after you gave birth, and the room still smelled like violets, and the good fairy descended from the ceiling and sprinkled you with rose water, before announcing, "I come to bring you a gift! The magical elixir of colostrum will now flow from your bounteous bosom like angel tears! Bless you, my child!"?

Yeah, well, I hated that bitch. I squashed her. The book reminded me of my callous actions, and I couldn't bear to look at it.

[Val]

Thrown at the wall: any and all of the What to Expect, and anything Dr. Sears (I suppose Dr. Sears may be okay for infant stuff, medicine, giving baths, but I have lived to regret every single piece of parenting advice I took from those books)

Must haves: The Girlfriend's Guide series (not always serious, but a refreshing and honest point of view) Pregnancy: The Morning Sickness Companion (obviously skip that if you don't get sick), Bradley Method. General: Caring for you Baby and Young Child (put out by the american academy of pediatrics) And finally discipline sort of books: Love and Logic, and Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers (like Super Nanny, before the show)

[Kate]

Up the Duff, and Toddler Wrangling, both by Kaz Cooke are good.

And I love Sheila Kitzinger's stuff.

[Tamika]

I liked Sears for the one main reason that he made me realize that Kaylyn was 'NORMAL" and that I DID NOT make her the way she was or that I held her too much and was going to spoil her, contrary to what I'd been told by numerous 'friends'. I totally stopped stressing about her after that and went with my instincts (as I'm sure the 'friends' did too - just VERY different instincts and to each his own - they were obviously happy with theirs and it worked for them, but I was made to feel mine were wrong as they were so different)

So far the other one was "Sleepless in America" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. She tends to have good ones too.

[Jejune]

Tamika, I was lucky enough to see Kurcinka speak a number of years ago. Some of what she said helped marvelously with Liam and eventually led me to pursue testing with him. She's really marvelous.

[Polly]

Aside from the What to scare yourself with when you're expecting series, I liked the Your Pregnancy Week by Week. Jo recommended it to me. Very good. Also the follow up called, Baby's First Year, Week by Week. I also liked the Girlfriend's Guide series. But the best books I have are the ones that SAVE ME MONEY! I have Baby Bargins by Denise and Alan Fields. They do consumer safety and quality reviews and factor in price for the final assessment. Saved lots of money. They also did Bridal Bargins which saved me tons of money on my wedding. Denise Fields co-authored Baby 411 with Dr. Ari Brown (Today show contributor) which is very handy and has a good cross-reference section.

I'm about to get the Field's Toddler Bargins. FYI-They include info on Canadian bargins, as well.

Polly

[Tamika]

Oh, the Girlfriends series are funny!

Kristen - I'd love to see her! It would be interesting to hear her words FROM her, kwim?