What do you think about people who

[Sam]

Totally changes their opinion on something? for example....

A women has an abortion,at the time of her abortion she feels nothing,no guilt,it was an easy thing for her to do. A few years later she turns very pro life and you can find her debating abortions and saying how wrong it is etc etc

Or a women has had an open relationship in her past marriage,she was all for it etc etc but a few years later she finds open relationships to be morally wrong.

Is it hypocritical for the women in the examples above to debate against something so strongly and tell people she thinks they are morally wrong when she once done it herself?

BTW the above was just an example,It could be anything someone has completely changed their views on and debate against even though they once done what they now see as immoral.

[Erika]

Now, I have to say I keep changing my mind on this :lmao Seriously though, I honestly don't know. We are all entitled to change our minds. Some of us are complete idealists when younger (I know I was) but life experience can make us more cynical or conservative.

While I do believe principals are important, I think sometimes being able to change your opinion (as long as it isn't for frivolous reasons) shows are more intellectual and balanced person.

So no, I don't think it is hypocritical. now it would be hypocritical if they were strongly debating or morally opposed to something publicy, but at the same time were privately indulging in it. For example, if someone was denoucing homosexuality publicy but secretly having homosexual relations, well yes, they are a hypocrite.

[Lori]

I don't think it's necessarily hypocritical, but I do think that it's unjust to try keep people from making choices based on their own conscience (as opposed to government mandate) that you were able to make--whether you regretted it or not--based on your own conscience.

But, I would separate, for example, a woman who had the ability to choose a safe and legal abortion, and did so then later regretted it, going on to try to legally prevent other women from accessing safe and legal abortions, which I would consider very unjust, and her changing her mind and trying to persuade women by her own experience--as opposed to through government mandate--to make a different choice. While I think it's hypocritical and wrong to try to stop others from even being able to make the same choice, I don't think there's anything hypocritical or wrong about somebody changing their mind, on any issue.

Now, I think that there are better and worse reasons for changing your mind about something you once felt strongly about, so it's possible that someone changed their mind for bad reasons, as opposed to for good ones. But, I don't think it's hypocritical to come to believe that something you once did is morally wrong, and even to be very vehement about it, although I would have a problem with someone trying to legislate against something they were allowed to make a free choice about.

[Christine]

I don't think it's hypocritical at all to have a change of mind or heart as you live your life.

If a person is currently living in one way and openly protesting against it, that would be hypocritical. If a person once lived one way and then changed their viewpoints, well they can't change their past, you know?

When I was in college, all my best friends were in the support group for gay and lesbian students. I helped them rally for equal rights on the campus (it was a very homophobic campus). I also helped rally for pro-choice causes.

Is it hypocritical of me now to say that I don't agree with the things I did in my past? I'm a totally different person than I was then. If I were still supporting those causes but was preaching that I was morally against them, that would be hypocritical.

[Sam]

Ok thanks for your thoughts.

I was thinking about how I had an affair in my last marriage but how I have now changed and think it is one of the most shitty things you can do to anyone. It doesn't matter how badly they treat you it is never excusable. NOT that I ever thought it was OK because I didn't but I did make excuses.

I found a website where a few people were talking about having affairs,their are two women who are the "other women" posting about the married man and how they are sick of him not leaving his wife. I wanted to jump right in to tell them my experience of how it screws people up and how they should end the affair because it is not fair on the wife.

I got to thinking,do I have any right at all to post in a thread like that when I did have an affair once? Now I am happy and worked through some stuff,found a man I love etc etc I can no longer excuse that behaviour, I do not judge,but at the same time I am sitting their thinking " For gawds sake,just look what you are doing,how can you expect anyone to have any sympathy for you when you are hurting the wife.

SO says that because I have learned and know what pain it causes it doesn't make me a hypocrite,but I can also see the other side of it.

[Jo]

I feel that being a hypocrite is saying one thing and actively doing another at the same time. Many people change their perspectives as they grow and change. I did many things in the past that I certainly don't think are a good idea now. It just means that I have changed and for myself, learned from those situations.

[Lori]

Sam, I was thinking more about this, and I also think that it depends on how you say something. For me, I think that it is best for people to wait until they are in a committed relationship to have sex. I didn't. Do I think it's hypocritical for me to try to instill in my children that it's preferable to wait to have sex until you are in a relationship with a very serious commitment? I don't think so. But, if I were to tell them that if they had sex before that they'll always regret it, or that only terrible people have sex outside of a committed relationship, then I would think I was being a hypocrite, because it's not something I particularly regret or something I think was terrible, just something I could have made a better choice about.

Part of the reason I find this frustrating around abortion is that, while a lot of women who had abortions and then go on to try to make them illegal say they regretted them, they very rarely say that they regret the kids they now how, or the relationship they now have, and the truth of the matter is that if they hadn't had an abortion, they're life would be very different, and in many cases they wouldn't have the same kids or husband, and those are not things they regret.

When I was in college, all my best friends were in the support group for gay and lesbian students. I helped them rally for equal rights on the campus (it was a very homophobic campus).

I'm not picking on you, but I am curious. ;) Would you say that you think it's bad for gay and lesbian students to have equal rights? If they shouldn't have equal rights, what would that look like, in practice? I'm not talking about whether or not it's a sin, but just curious if you think that people who are gay or lesbian should be denied equal rights (leaving marriage out of it).

[Kristen]

Lori-people who have miscarriages don't regret the baby they have, that wouldn't have been conceived aside from the abortion. In a similiar vein, you can regret a marriage, without regretting the children that came from that unwise marriage. I don't think you need to be disgusted by every effect that came from a poor decision in order to say that the decision was poor.

On the main topic, I agree with Christine and the others who said that hypocrisy is condemning a behavior WHILE engaging in it yourself. Sam, in your case, I think your input is valuable, because you made a choice that you now see is poor and you are hoping to help someone else avoid making that mistake.

Steve had sex with people other than me, before he was a Christian. He thinks this was a bad choice, he's learned from it, and he'll be encouraging our children to do otherwise, and I don't see this as being hypocritical at all.

[Beka]

I agree that it's only hypocritical if you're not practicing what you are preaching- no one can predict their future and therefore decisions we made in the past may not match the person we are when we're next confronted with that situation later in life. I do think it is wrong to pressure someone else into a decision on the basis of regretting it yourself as everyone is entitled to make the decisions they feel are best suited to their life at that time as you can't say for definate they will have the same sense of regret.

Kristen raises a very good point- my mil feels strongly her first marriage which resulted in fil's adultery and abandonment of the family was still a good thing because it gave her 4 beautiful children, 3 of whom are still her today and have given her 9 grandchildren she is proud to call hers- she acknowledges as much as she has issue with fil they wouldn't be the same people without him. So yes she regrets the marriage, yes she regrets being so young but she doesn't regret David who was the catalyst for marrying his father. (When pg with Chase she actually told me only to have the baby if i knew I would never blame her- the baby- for the things i'd miss out on as it was my decision making me miss out on those things and not the baby themselves- i've kept that sentiment with me throughout the last 9 years.)

I do think your opinions would be valid to their situation, it's a bridge you've crossed and although you don't regret the eventual outcome (divorce, new relationship, beautiful new daughter) you do wish you had had the foresite to handle it differently by ending the relationship with James first before embarking on the new relationship with Tom, that's not hypocritical to be open with people about that, it's sharing learned experience.

[Lori]

In a similiar vein, you can regret a marriage, without regretting the children that came from that unwise marriage. I don't think you need to be disgusted by every effect that came from a poor decision in order to say that the decision was poor.

I do agree with that, and that's why I'd make a distinction between regretting something and be open about that, and getting involved to try to make illegal decisions that you were able to make freely. People obviously regret divorces, and I have no problem with a person who divorced feeling that divorce is wrong, but if they were trying to push for legislation that would bar other people from making that choice freely, the way they were able to, then I do see that as hypocritical, because if they hadn't had the ability to make that choice--poor or not--for themselves, they wouldn't have the children/husband/life they have today.

[Christine]

I'm not picking on you, but I am curious. Would you say that you think it's bad for gay and lesbian students to have equal rights? If they shouldn't have equal rights, what would that look like, in practice? I'm not talking about whether or not it's a sin, but just curious if you think that people who are gay or lesbian should be denied equal rights (leaving marriage out of it).

Well, if we're leaving marriage out of it, what rights are we talking about specifically? The right to be able to live your life in a way that you see fit without being attacked, physically or verbally for your choices? That's a right that I feel everyone should have - gay, straight, black, white, purple with pink polka dots. Aside from marriage, I don't see that there are any issues.

The reason I fought for "rights" was because I saw divides where there weren't any. The biggest issue they had was that people classified them as "gay" and they didn't like that, for whatever reason. The things they were fighting for was for people to accept them as who they are. Of course, you can't change peoples opinions. It really doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me looking back on it. ;)

[gr8mommy]

I often think I respect the position of someone who has walked the walk and then changed their opinion rather than someone who blindly insists their way is 'right' without regard to the collateral issues or consequences, if that makes any sense.

A woman who was prochoice, had an abortion, and years later changes her mind to think abortion is wrong isn't a hypocrite---she's lived and learned and changed her viewpoint. Someone out marching to close down clinics one day and having her own abortion the next is a hypocrite, as would be a woman who espouses 'choice' and then insists her own unmarried teenage daughter get an abortion.

[Polly]

I think that people who truly change their minds about an issue/decisions/past behavior are demonstrating the fundemental truth about humans-we change, we evolve, we regress. Unlike animals, we can review our pasts and decide how this will contribute to our future. So, I don't have a problem with people changing their minds.

I admit that when a person close to you decides to change their mind about something it can suddenly put you in opposition to them. Obviously, this strains a relationship. I guess you just have to figure things out or decide to end the relationship. Good example: one of my friends in high school became Pro-Life. I was and still am Pro-Choice. We decided to actually use the correct and preferred names for each other out of respect, i.e. Pro-Life rather than Anti-Abortion and Pro-Choice rather than Pro-Abortion. We even went to a Pro-Choice March together. Rather, I went to the Pro-Choice march, my friend went and protested. But we did meet up for lunch and took the Metro home together. I'm sure everyone thought we were a bit strange. However, people that didn't like it could :bite me

I do not respect change that is made solely for gain. Like Mitt Romney or John McCain. I used to respect McCain. Not anymore. He changed his stance on campaigning and Iraq to make himself a more mainstream Republican candidate. Poo on him.

Polly

[Lori]

We decided to actually use the correct and preferred names for each other out of respect, i.e. Pro-Life rather than Anti-Abortion and Pro-Choice rather than Pro-Abortion.

I can understand that, but, as a pacificist, I cannot in good conscience use the term "pro-life" to refer to people who think the government should deny women legal access to abortions and at the same time may support war, the death penalty, and have little or no concern for economic equality. I don't think that being opposed to legal abortion access is necessarily NOT pro-life, but it's not a term that I can use. I know people who are opposed to legal abortion access who I would also consider to be supportive of human life across the board, but I know many people who are opposed to legal abortion who I don't see having much respect for human life once it leaves the womb.

For the record, "pro-choice" isn't a term I think is all that great, either. I think that the decision of whether or not to end a pregnancy should lie with an individual woman rather than with the government, but it's not like I think it's something anyone should or does "choose" in the way we go to the grocery store and choose a cereal.

[Kristen]

But people who are pro-choice don't think all choices should be allowed either...no pro-choice person thinks people should be allowed to run around choosing to take other people's belongings(at least not that I've heard of!)

So sure, people who are pro-life do oftentimes think that sometimes it's ok to kill, but by the same token, people who are pro-choice are indeed for limiting some choices. Neither name is perfect, but I think it is very polite and considerate to do what Polly and her friend are doing-calling people what they choose to be called.

[Christine]

Yeah, what Kristen said. Pro-choice and pro-life are terms used to describe just one political or moral stance, not all of them.