View Full Version : How much do you know about your
SO's sexual past? does it bother you at all?
I know a bit too much,entirely my fault,I asked too many questions at the start that I thought would not bother me. Turned out that it did bother me somewhat. I know the past is the past but I must admit to getting a bit jealous that he has had other women. The odd thing is so have I (well men;)) obviously and none of them take away from Tom,in fact they all seem so pointless now I have someone I really love.
Tom struggles with my sexual past too so we have decided not to talk about it again because the past doesn't matter. Ive made bad choices in the past and so has Tom in the sense that he has had partners that didn't mean anything to him. HE says they were bad choices,not me btw.
So do you know a lot about your mans past? do you talk about it at times? or would you rather not know a thing?
Kristi
02-17-2007, 02:51 PM
I know a bit. How many he has been with and a few of the stories but not all of them. It really does not bother me anymore. It is not like he still sees any of them or wants to be back with any of them. He knows about as much about mine as i do his. How many and such.
I know everything (at least as far as I know) about his past, and he knows everything about mine. We both had two partners other than each other, so there wasn't a whole lot to tell. We were 19 when we started dating, so neither of us had had any very serious relationships, or anything particularly sordid, so it's never been a big deal for us.
we've always been really open with each other- David and i were friends first and foremost from when i was 16 onwards and then we got together at 17 & 18 so neither of us really had much time to have a significant history- he came from a home where he was determined not to lose his self esteem and self respect by putting it about just anywhere (yes a man who thinks that way :eek :lmao ) and I hadn't really had much of a chance to :giggle
We do talk (and often laugh) about it as being together as young as we were honesty and openness were big issues for us to have if we were going to grow together not apart, we didn't want any "demon" rearing it's head 12, 18 months into our relationship as we were already dealing with enough with having a baby at a young age so we were open with each other which really helped as there's no hidden elements (and yep- some things were hard to hear as i am sure parts of mine were for him but it helped to know them then rather than have them fester and cause issues later on)
Beka that is how we are. We wanted to know it all about each other. I told him all my crap very early on and he told me all about his past. Not that he had a bad past in the sense that he done shitty things because he didn't,the only person he hurt is himself due to bipolar and self medicating before he got the help he needed.
It is good that we know what there is to know about each other but sometimes it is hard. We have talked about the past so much and I believe we have both told each other everything there is to know so to keep talking about it when it upsets us is pretty pointless KWIM? It doesn't affect us,so from now on the subject is closed LOL
off-kilter
02-17-2007, 05:05 PM
Well, he was my first and I was his. Since then we have not had a "break" in the relationship and we have not condoned any outside recreation, so I should know about all his partnered sexual experiences.
I once told my doctor at my Pap check that if I got an STD I wouldn't have to worry about infertility problems because I'd be in jail for killing my husband!! :haha
Shana
02-17-2007, 06:03 PM
Brian has been down the list with me, each one, specifically. There was just one girl he was really in love with. But still.... ugh, the thought of other women with him, even though it was before me, makes me very sick to my stomach. So much so, that he won't talk with me about it anymore. I get too jealous:storm
Brian knows every single last detail of my sexual past. And I mean. All of it. He's not a great fan. It affects our relationship when I want to go somewhere with a group of girlfriends at night, alone, without him. I can't say that I blame him, but it's a bit on the smothering/overprotective side.
Brian has been down the list with me, each one, specifically. There was just one girl he was really in love with. But still.... ugh, the thought of other women with him, even though it was before me, makes me very sick to my stomach. So much so, that he won't talk with me about it anymore. I get too jealous:storm
Brian knows every single last detail of my sexual past. And I mean. All of it. He's not a great fan. It affects our relationship when I want to go somewhere with a group of girlfriends at night, alone, without him. I can't say that I blame him, but it's a bit on the smothering/overprotective side.
Are you my twin? LOL
giffy
02-17-2007, 06:48 PM
M doesn't have a partnered sexual past, but he knows all about mine (such as it is). He's not bothered at all that I had a few boyfriends before him, but I was a bit taken aback when he told me I was his first (after the event). I guess I kind of assumed he'd had other girlfriends before me. I was 23 when we got together, and he was 22.
Shasta
02-17-2007, 10:16 PM
I know about his and he knows about mine. We discussed it back in the beginning of our relationship, but after 6 1/2 years together, it really doesn't come up much anymore and I don't think either of us thinks about it much.
I know waaaaay to much!LOL Dave and I were friends during that whole period. I still tease him about the couple of girls that he slept with. I never met his first girlfriend who he was dating when we became friends. But I have heard so many stories!LOL
I actually tease him about one hook up of his in particular because the picture in my head cracks me up. I can't go into too many details but it involves Dave, this girl(who I knew pretty well) and an inch of water in a bathtub!:lmao (Polly-you know who I mean if you read this!)
Jenny
02-17-2007, 10:51 PM
yes, I know pretty much all of his past and he knows most of mine. He would rather just not know everything that happened on our 'break' He knows enough LOL
Tracy
02-17-2007, 11:06 PM
I know how many he has slept with and who they are. He knows the same about me. Neither one of us is interested in details though.
Jurgita
02-18-2007, 03:52 AM
I know pretty much everything about his past, and no it doesn't bother me at all. We don't really talk about it anyway.
Christine
02-18-2007, 06:18 AM
I know more than I'd like to. Honestly, it's one of the reasons why I'm really glad that we moved away from our childhood homes. I ran into too many exes up North!
Christine,Tom has that problem. All of the people I have had sexual relationships with live near us.
We went to the local bar on Friday and two of my exes were there,because of the way they treated me Tom was uncomfy and I knew we had to leave. We go shopping and we often see one of my EXes. It isn't that I have had that many because I haven't,just the ones that I have had all live in the same small area as we do.
Brooke
02-18-2007, 08:50 AM
I know about most of his and he knows about most of mine. We were both pretty slutty in the past. ;) He doesn't know details about mine, he gets kinda weird about hearing things. But I really don't care that much if he tells me about his. There's only one ex that I had a problem with and now I'm over it. It was a sore point in our relationship in the beginning since she was a recent ex and he still hung out with her a lot.
Kristen
02-19-2007, 06:31 AM
Well, Steve doesn't have a super-illustrious past or anything, but I do know the basics of it. Sometimes I am stupid and curious, and I ask questions and then when I hear answers, then I get kind of down and get my feelings hurt, because it makes me sad to think of him having sex with other women. But, conversations like that really bear no good fruit...he's sorry he didn't wait, I've forgiven him, and it's best to not discuss it.
I don't have a past...I never even kissed a guy other than Steve. :p So, nothing to discuss there.
Amber
02-19-2007, 09:31 PM
Well, he was my first and I was his. Since then we have not had a "break" in the relationship and we have not condoned any outside recreation, so I should know about all his partnered sexual experiences.
Same here :)
Jejune
02-19-2007, 10:39 PM
I don't have a past, but I do know all about his, and in too much detail at that. Not that he was a manwhore or anything, but one of his exes, very early in our relationship, came up to me out of the blue and told me that he'd cheated on every girl he'd ever been with, and she "just thought I should know". Uh huh. That prompted some very serious talks, and detailed discussions that honestly did do some damage to our relationship at first. Of course, it also turned out his ex was a lying psycho, but I didn't know her well enough to know that at the time, and thus the intense discussions. Anyway, while I fully support people knowing the facts of their partners' previous relationships, I think the details are usually best left alone. They can be too intimate for anyone but the people immediately involved. It took me a while to become less anxious and less jealous after the incident with psycho ex.
It also helps that we don't live near any exes now. One of Daniel's exes is a lovely, sweet woman, but she doesn't have a jealous bone in her body, and doesn't really imagine anyone else would either, which meant that if I said, "Daniel and I are going to such and such place," she'd say, "Oh, we did that when we were together!" Not so good for me.
Neither of us have much of a past to speak of. We'd both had a couple of significant others, but it never got sexual. We were each other's firsts. I know about his past, and at first it bothered me a little because one of his exes is this stunningly beautiful girl. But it doesn't bother me at all now, and he doesn't care about my exes.
Marzipan
02-20-2007, 03:11 PM
I know most of his, and he knows most of mine. We both whored around a bit before getting together, truth be told. It doesn't bother me in the slightest, and we are actually very good friends with two of his exes.
SabrinaJL
02-20-2007, 11:40 PM
Not much to know. We've been together since we were 15 and 17. I had sex with one guy (who I dated for over a year) before him and I was his first.
MommyBug77
02-22-2007, 06:15 PM
I know he was with 2 other people. He knows a bit about mine, I don't think he could handle all of it. He has never really pushed to know, thank goodness.
I know most everything there is to know, not that there is TONS. There was one girl in college, then he was married for 11 years, then me. That's it. It doesn't bother me at all. I mean, at the time he was going out with the girl in college I was in the first grade so it's not like I think he should've been with me instead! LOL And he doesn't have anything good to say about his ex-wife so there's nothing to be jealous about there. We were separated by 12.5 years and 1500 miles and didn't know each other at all so what he did before we met doesn't faze me one way or the other.
Probably if he had been a big ol' man-slut it might bother me in the sense that I'd have less respect for him and wonder if he'd really stopped for sure but he was/is/has always been pretty tame and trustworthy.
I had lots of questions in the beginning but we pretty much covered everything and now it almost never comes up, and if a part of it does we end up having a good laugh about it. Usually he's using to illustrate how much better he likes me. ;)
Desirae
02-26-2007, 10:42 PM
I know about his past. If I let it it hurts me and makes me sick to my stomache ( the idea of him being with someone else)... however it's better now. :) Sean knows my "past" however I have only had sex with Sean.
Beryl
02-27-2007, 08:35 AM
We aren't the jealous types and we both like telling stories, so I think we've told it all by now. It was important to me, because I have ex-gfs along with the ex-bfs. I was never gonna let that be an issue, so better to have it out at the beginning. We both have long term relationship exes (5 years for me; 4.5 for him) near by and both invited those same exes to our wedding. They couldn't come, but not because they were not welcome. In fact, we cat-sit for my ex on occasion and we might go to his ex's Purim carnival on Sunday. I spent a few hours with my ex's fiance talking about their wedding plans. And my ex's ex came to visit recently and might help me get a discount on a nice REI stroller. It's all ridiculously copacetic.
giana
03-16-2007, 08:47 PM
I think I know the important ones...I dont think he told me all because Im soooo jealous...It bothers me sometimes but I dont dwell much on it....
homeschoolmom99
03-16-2007, 11:51 PM
He knows more then I do! His sisters all told me he was gay!:thankyou I realy think now that they just didn't like me! But I am divorced once so my ex one guy in between and my hubby now 10 years in june