Truth and kindness (Hope Shana doesn't mind!)

[Lori]

I really like one of the quote Shana submitted. I was wondering what people think about it. Is it more important to be kind than to be truthful? Are being kind and being truthful two different things?

Today I bent the truth to be kind, and I have no regret, for I am far surer of what is kind than I am of what is true.
- Robert Brault

[Christine]

I don't think they have to exist separately. I always strive for being truthful, but there is a way to soften the truth or the option to keep your mouth shut. ;)

[Lori]

I know that there have been many times when I should have either said nothing, until I had really thought through the situation, or when I should have said something kind instead of what I thought was the truth, because I ended up saying something that caused a problem in a relationship, and that I very soon regretted and realized wasn't true at all. Now I think that it's a mistake to confuse my feelings about a situation with what the truth of it is. I've never had a situation where I've said something kind to someone that I wasn't entirely sure of and later went on to regret it or feel that it was the wrong thing to do, but I've had many times where I've said something mean or judgmental that I felt sure was true, that later I realized I was completely wrong about, and should have kept to myself. I was just reading something the other day to the effect that, if you find that your take on something forces you to choose between love of God and love of others, then you have the wrong take, because the two aren't separable. I agree with that, and I think that if what I think is the "truth" of the situation is something that is unloving or unkind, or that will cause breaches in relationship, then it's just not the truth, at least not in any ontological sense.

[Shana]

I think it is possible to be both truthful and kind :)

I love that quote too... to me it is about really thinking before I speak, and if something needs to be said that is going to potentially wound someone? Either don't say it, or find a way to say it that will be the least harmful.

I hope that makes sense...

[Kristi]

I think they can be the same and they can't be. If that makes any sense. There are times when you can be truthful and kind. There are times when to be truthful about something is not kind and when being kind is not being truthful. It depends on the situation and how you handle things. There are times when it is better to keep quiet and not say anything. ;)

[Jejune]

I think there are times when the best option is to tell an untruth. I think they're few and far between, but they exist, and are not usually about the big truths. Most of the time, I am very much for straightforward honesty, but there are certainly times when an untruth is kinder and does not hurt anyone in the long run. I can only think of unserious cases where this would be the case, though. It's not kind to lie about anything big, but in small instances, a lie can be the best answer.