Living with extended family.

[Danielle]

Do you or have you ever (after marriage/partnership and/or kids) lived with extended family?

How do you think this affects/affected your relationship with your dh/so or kids?


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My mother moved out in September after having lived with us for our ENTIRE married life (and for a few years before marriage). She helped us out a TON with the kids and I am grateful that we didn't have to put them in daycare when they were little but it really had a negative impact on our marriage and also on our relationship with the kids.

I love that we can now parent the kids how we see fit without interference (no matter how well-intentioned). I love having my home to myself and I love that I can leave a mess and no one walks into the room, sighs and starts cleaning up my mess. I love that dh and I have more privacy ;) and that the kids now see dh and I as the only authority figures in the home.

I love my family but would I ever live with any of them again? NO WAY Jose!

[Christine]

Dave's brother lived with us for three months, right in the middle of my pregnancy with Morgan. He brought along his girlfriend and their 9 month old into our two-bedroom townhouse. It was awful. It really tore us up because I was emotional, Dave was loyal to his brother and his brother was mean! Eventually, we got on the same page and it actually brought us closer together and eventually into church, believe it or not.

Dave's other brother lived with us twice for three weeks each. Both times he was a good houseguest, but we were still happy to see him go! :giggle

My mom, step-dad and brother lived with us for five months and it was AWFUL! We're still now, over 6 months later, trying to heal from it.

I'm just at a place in my life where I need to be focusing on my girls and my marriage, not taking care of other people. No matter how much they "pitch in", I always end up carrying the burden and I'm already strapped!

[SabrinaJL]

My brother lived with us from the time he was 14 until he was 20. He moved out a couple months ago. I miss him.

And if we could live with my parents, or they could live with us, I totally would do it. We've lived with them before, and I guess it wasn't so bad because we get along really well and they have a huge house. We had the whole upstairs to ourselves and it's closed off from the downstairs, so we didn't feel like privacy was an issue.

[Mary]

I would consider living with my parents but only if the house was separated into two distinct areas, ours and theirs (like the house Sabrina mentioned). My in-laws' old house would've been perfect. It was two stories plus a finished walk-out basement that was at least 900 sq. ft. It would've made a perfect apartment for my parents with us sharing the middle floor and our family taking the top.

Also I would definitely consider buying property with two houses on it and each of us taking one.

I don't think I could live "mixed in" with them with no defined personal space, though. I don't think it would affect my marriage much but my dad and I would probably end up killing each other. :)

[Amber]

We lived with MIL for about 6 months (right before & right after Joshua's birth) and it was an absolute nightmare. We did it because M lost his job & was wanting to finish his degree (he had 3 classes and student teaching left). When Joshua was 2 months old, the kids and I moved to MY mom's house while M finished school.

Living with my parents was fine. Living with his mom is something I would NEVER do again.

[Jbird]

I lived with my uncle and his BITCH wife for about 6 months while I was finishing up school. It was horrible. I love my uncle to death, and thankfully he's divorced now, but she was awful. She would harass me about squeegeeing the shower on a daily basis. About May she decided not to use AC to save money, then when I said it was too hot for that, she basically said if I was living there for free, I could put up with the heat (I offered to pay rent, and I offered to pay the Ac bill.) It went on and on.
Oh - another favorite deal - my uncle and had a Saturday morning ritual - naked hot tubbing. While I was there. How's that for awkward?

[ColleenC]

My brother currently lives with us and I don't think it's impacted us at all, except that one of our rooms is taken up LOL

He moved in with us after his fiance(newly engaged)cheated on him and he broke up with her. They have a house being built and when it's sold(or when that bitch will let him buy her out)he will either move into the house or buy something new with the profits.

On the other hand, if it were the other way around, I would NOT want dh's brother to move in. I know that's harsh, but I don't really like him that much and I can totally see him coming between us quickly!

[Erika]

We live in a house that is owned by my dad. It is done up in apartments so we all have our own privacy.

It suits us as we weren't sure if we were staying up in Dublin or not and it meant we didn't have to deal with lease issues. As it stands, my brother and his girlfriend live in the basement apartment and we live in the ground floor apartment. My dad is away for most of the year so that suits us to a tee.

I do have issues at times when my dad is here but he is getting better at not constantly wanting to knock into us.

[yummymommy]

We lived in FIL and step MIL's basement suite (which was separate entry and everything) when we first moved up island. It only lasted 6 months and it was hell. First off, they have 3 big rowdy loud dogs who fight all the time and hardwood floors, so at all hours of the day and night you would hear barking and running and then FIL yelling at the dogs to shut up. Then, FIL figured he could still come down there and make himself at home lying on our couch watching our tv, he even smoked in our place after we told him so many times not to, he said it's my house and if I want to smoke I will. He never knocked and always just walked right in. One morning I even woke up to see him standing at our bedroom door asking Mark if he had to get up for work! So as soon as we got jobs and had a bit of money we got out of there!

Now my brother lives with us in our basement suite, which is totally separate, and it works out great. Him and Mark get along so well, they work together every day and hang out when they aren't working and he's great with the kids. I feed him dinners, it's no more effort to cook for one more and I don't want him eating crappy food all by himself down there lol and he splits the bills with us, and pays rent so it helps us out financially as well.

I don't think I could live with anyone else in my family or share living space with anyone, I like my space and privacy and when I want to lie on the couch or watch a show I don't want someone else to be there!

[Kristi]

Well we haven't done it for an extremely long period of time but there were 3 1/2 months over the summer year before this one between when we left Italy and when we bought this house where all three kids and I stayed with my parents.

It drove me nuts. Someone was always interfeering with how I did things with the kids. It was way too crowded. My youngest brother (who was 10 then) and the boys fought all the time. Izzy was about 7 months old and people interuppted her nap and things like that. Mom and I got into an arguement about my brother because he kept picking on the kids and I was just glad to leave when the time came.

I love my family. I adore my parents. But we are better off when we aren't living in the same house.

[Amy J]

We live with my parents so...yes, we have and do.

[Sam]

Nope but I would do if I needed too. I get on really well with my mum so I think it would be quite pleasant actually LOL

[Kristen]

No, thankfully we haven't! I think it would be a really difficult situation.

And unless it was a house with separate living quarters, I think it would be VERY hard for me to put up with the loss of privacy.

[Beka]

Ohhh my life- naked hot tubbing uncle-in-laws, i really don't think i could deal with that :rofl

We have- we lived with my parents from around 6.5 months pg until chase was 9 weeks old, I was 17, still living at home but when pg and David got made homeless i decided this was the man i was going to raise my child with, share the rest of my life with so it was wrong i was sleeping in a warm cushy bed and he was sleeping anywhere he could find, I went with him and a few weeks later my parents said I needed to be happy and enjoy my pregnancy no matter how "wrong" it was :rolleyes so they took David in too. When Chase was 9 weeks old we rented the house we now have 4 children in!

David's littlest sister lived with us whilst finished up high school- mil hit a turbulent period in her life and sil was 14/15 and needed stability, she eventually left when her boyfriends mother found out we were only teenagers/early 20s ourselves and were struggling with a toddler and fertility treatments, so sil went to live with them when she turned 16- she's now 22 married to the boyfriend and they have 2 kids.

Could i do it again- my parents? Nooooo. My mother is a fabulous granny but parents so differently to me it would cause constant friction, i would feel under mined, no i couldn't do it. I clash with my dad often too. i love them but i couldn't go back.

Sil? not her specifically but if we had to take in a family teen in a similar situation again i could and would do it because they need a chance at finding normal at that age.

[Shasta]

We lived with my mom from the time Taj was 11 months until he was 2 1/2. I love my mom and we are best friends so it was nice and we always had a babysitter and extra help. We did have some small issues, like we had an impossible time taking Taj's bottle away because she thought he needed it and things like that but nothing big. We would do it again if we had to.

My cousin is moving in with us in Feb. I consider him a brother, we grew up with him practically living with me and we're not even a year apart in age, we were best friends from babies to teens. I really hope it all works out good. Him and Mike are friends. I don't see why there would be a problem but then again, we've never had anyone live with us before. It'll definitely be an adjustment. His 2 yr. old daugther will also be here some too, not sure how much, depending on the custody he gets but I'm excited about having a girl around too!LOL