Are you able to forgive?

[Jo]

Are you truly able to forgive someone for something grievous? Is it necessary to forgive to heal and move on?

[Marzipan]

Well, it depends what you mean by forgive. I had this conversation elsewhere with regard to my in-laws. I have let go of the consuming hatred I had towards them, and I am able to accept that they have a lot of serious emotional and psychological problems and can't be held totally responsible for their behavior. But it doesn't mean that I can just wipe out the horrible things they've done to us, that I'll ever allow them to be alone with my children, or that I'll see them more than 1 or 2 times a year for my kids' birthdays. I don't even do holidays with them anymore.

[Kristen]

Yes, by the grace of God, I can. I think not forgiving mostly hurts me, just like bitterness does.

Marci-I don't think forgiving means that you have to put yourself in the way of getting hurt again. I have an uncle that abused me, and I have forgiven him, but I am certainly not going to send my children for sleepovers at his house! It just wouldn't be wise.

[Christine]

Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting. If someone has hurt you and you forgive them, it doesn't mean you miraculously trust them again.

Yes, I can forgive. Of all the things I've learned in my spiritual walk, that's the one that's been the easiest for me. With some of the people in my life, I've had to forgive on a regular basis and it IS crucial to do that in order to keep your spirit healthy. I can't come before God and ask Him for blessings when I'm harboring anger and resentment against someone else, you know?

[Jurgita]

Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting. If someone has hurt you and you forgive them, it doesn't mean you miraculously trust them again.

Yes, I can forgive. Of all the things I've learned in my spiritual walk, that's the one that's been the easiest for me. With some of the people in my life, I've had to forgive on a regular basis and it IS crucial to do that in order to keep your spirit healthy. I can't come before God and ask Him for blessings when I'm harboring anger and resentment against someone else, you know?

I totally agree with you here Christine! Couldn't have said better!

[Joni]

I do not find it easy to forgive, but it does eventually happen. I spent ten years having an all-consuming hatred for a man who did some bad things to me, and the anger and hatred poisoned me. I finally forgave him one night and it felt amazing to have that burden lifted from me. This doesn't mean I forget what he did or would let my future children be around him, but I no longer hate him or think about him. He's just another person to me now.

However, I do hold grudges for a long time and have a hard time letting go of certain things. I feel like I am entitled to be angry about things and I am doing myself a disservice if I let them go. But since that moment of forgiveness several years ago, I find it easier to let go of things. It taught me a valuable lesson and it's something I work on a lot.

[Christi]

I find that I am able to forgive and move on, but it takes much much longer for me to forget, esp. where someone hurting a family member is concerned!

[MomOfHeathens]

I think there are just too many people for me to have to forgive which would take ALOT of therapy and alot of allowing myself to relive/remember things that my mind obviously doesn't want to so at this point I'm not able to forgive.

Having said that, I DO think that it is holding me back from healing and moving on in many parts of my life. It's funny, I can face cancer and mortality but I can't face the demons from my past. *shaking head*

I know alot of people who once they forgive the person/people who wronged them it has helped them heal quite alot and made them much more able to enjoy their lives.

Someday.... someday that will be me too.

[Jejune]

I have trouble with forgiveness. I know it holds me back, but I still can't let go of some of the wrongs done me. I wish I could.

[Shana]

With the people that I love, it is so easy for me to forgive. When I've been badly hurt -- it's harder, but yes, I do forgive. I *very rarely* hold a grudge. But, what I do do is just be more careful in the future. Forgiving doesn't mean you have to be stupid LOL It is just another way to learn -- and be more mindful of what I say and do in the future.