Is it sexist not to give your son a Valentine?

[Polly]

This question stems from an argument I had with dh this morning. He sends his mom a Valentine every year but not his dad. He says men don't send other men Valentines. I objected, stating that my brother and father have always exchanged Valentines. I asked if we ever have a son, wouldn't he give him a Valentine? He said he wouldn't-but he'd still give one to our daughter. I told him that I was very surprised by that and that I thought it was incredibily sexist.:steam He chalks it up to "tradition." I said people used to call slavery a tradition but it didn't make it right. Anyhoo, what do I do if we have a boy eventually? My parents had what they called the "P" Doctrine of Equality. Everything had to be equal between my brother and myself. (I distinguish this from fair. As my former Special Education professor used to say, "Everyone should be treated equally; fair is getting what you specifically need." As in if I need a wheelchair to be mobile, I should get one. However, that doesn't mean my fully mobile brother should get one as well.)

So, if we eventually have a boy, do I just cancel Valentine's Day at our house so that no cards are given to anyone? I cannot bring myself to exclude a child.

Polly

[Beka]

well not an issue here- in England you pretty much send a valentine to your other half and no one else, sending them to kids/parents is seen as pretty much an American thing here in the UK

That being said if it were tradition here to send them to kids i'd send to my boys and my girls (have 2 of each) as we love them all the same and i like to teach them they shouldn't be ashamed to publicly show affection towards family (dh will kiss the boys good bye in public if we are leaving them just the same as he would the girls)

[Kristen]

We include Joshua in all of our children's Valentine traditions. I don't send my dad a Valentine, but I don't send one to my mom either! LOL

Steve and I give each other Valentines...it's not like he gives me one but I don't give him anything.

[Lori]

Thomas is giving Valentines to all the kids in his class. I honestly didn't even consider not having him do it because he was a boy.

On the other hand, Sean and I aren't particularly into Valentine's Day, so we rarely give cards.

I agree it's probably an attitude rooted in sexist assumptions, but as long as your not expected to keep perpetuating those traditions, I probably wouldn't get too too upset about it.

[Jejune]

We give Valentine's cards to the boys every year. I think it would feel a little weird to be the child excluded. (Though Nora was last year, but I doubt she noticed. LOL) I don't think gender is a good reason to exclude a child from a family tradition. I also think it's likely that things could change if you actually have a boy. I wouldn't jump off that bridge until you get there. ;)

[BigDave]

In my elementary school, we had to hand out Valentines to all or none, for the sake of fairness. Growing up my dad did not give cards but always a box of chocolate. If I had a son I would treat him exactly as I treat my daughters. I might not give a card, but like my dad did, a small box of chocolate for each kid.

[Kristi]

We give Valentine's cards to the boys every year. I think it would feel a little weird to be the child excluded. (Though Nora was last year, but I doubt she noticed. LOL) I don't think gender is a good reason to exclude a child from a family tradition. I also think it's likely that things could change if you actually have a boy. I wouldn't jump off that bridge until you get there. ;)

Completely agree Just change Nora to Isabella LOL I would not leave a child out because of his gender but if you don't actually have a son yet then I would forget about it. He may change his mind bythat time :D

[Marzipan]

I think it is quite sexist and rather peculiar. The rigid gender identities that are too often set for children, especially at such young ages, gall me to no end.

[malcontent]

My FIL used to buy his daughter a large bouquet of roses for Valentine's Day while giving nothing to his son. It didn't bother my husband a bit, but it bothered me for some reason.

[gr8mommy]

I think it is probably more homophobic than sexist. We give valentines from both of us to each of the kids. Giving them only to the girls would be so, well, mean.

[Jo]

I think CJ is being silly. How many traditions have you made or rearranged since the two of you have been married? I don't see why he should be any more rigid about this one. I don't know if it is purely sexist but it would be mean to not include a little boy.

[Val]

I think it's silly. We collectively give a card to each kid, and excluding Brayden would just be hurtfull. Brad wants to give them both someting, but if he didn't I would still put his name on the card like I always do.

When I was little my dad sent my mom and I flowers, and my brothers got balloons. And in school you had to give cards to all the kids in class, so I'm very used to boys getting valentine's.

[Amber]

I don't give my boys valentines, but I don't give ANYONE valentines :giggle. They do hand out valentines at school, though. I just don't get that jazzed about Valentines Day.