Stepparenting is So Hard Sometimes

[Jbird]

This is really just venting, but it gets so frustrating sometimes being a custodial stepmother. I get torn between trying to just be a friend/sister type, and being forced to discipline or actually "parent." I tend to fill in where DH doesn't. Things of recent frustration include reminding her to behave in church (while DH allows her to goof off), trying to get her to eat things other than chocolate and frozen pizzas from time to time, and getting her to read. DH is always acting like he's her only actual parent around, he makes the rules, but he works 70 hours a week, so I'm the one in reality who makes the rules and enforces them most of the time. Things work pretty smoothly until those times when he is around, and he contradicts me, and she knows she'll get her way with him more often than not, and I'm made to feel like the evil person.

Things really aren't so bad - but sometimes I just want to throw dishes and pull my fingernails out.

[Beka]

:squeeze - it does sound very much like he needs to respect the fact although he is her biological parent you are the one doing the parenting the majority of her waking hours, if he wants you to fill all the roles of mother he needs to respect he can't just override you when he is present because kids are going to take advantage of knowing they can do that play off- all kids do, mine do it and I'm their biological mother, but the second they think they can get dh to back them and not me they give it a good go.

I know in the past in our house I have been known to go on mother strike, where by when he has contradicted me I've thrown in the mothering towel for a while and let him learn first hand why I have the rules I do- after doing that a couple of time he is now 100% behind the idea that because I am the main care provider he needs to back my practices unless he massively objects in which case he needs to bring it up with me rather than just go against me in front of the kids

I hope you can get him to listen.

What age is your step daughter?

[Jbird]

Taryn is 10. The funny thing is that right after I posted this, DH got onto her about talking back to me, and how she needed to respect me as a parent, and my word goes just like his does. So I guess he knew I was upset. :)

[Beka]

:D that is good to hear. Chase (my eldest daughter) is 10 too and the last 6 months or so the attitude has slowly been surfacing so i feel your pain! She is also my "daddys girl" out of the family so she tends to be the one who causes conflict between DH and i out of the 4 kids.