When it comes to things your family considers wrong/troubling/sad...

[Lori]

When it comes to things that your family considers wrong or troubling or sad or immoral or depressing or just really unpleasant (and that could be things like-- depending on the family--racism, prejudice, genocide, homophobia, homosexuality, death, child abuse, divorce, abortion, extreme poverty, natural disasters, capital punishment, etc.) do you think it's better to bring up the subject with your child first so that you can help prepare them for when they encounter it in the world, or to wait for your child to encounter it first and then be there to answer any questions they have?

I was thinking about this because we had the news on last night and they had a segment on orphans and, while Thomas didn't really grasp what was being said, if he were a bit older and could understand, I'm not sure if I would have left it on or turned it off.

[Jejune]

I tend to go both ways. Actually, yesterday I put on a documentary about the history of race relations specifically because the boys were playing in that room. They got interested, watched a little, and then we talked about it. I listen to NPR a lot, and always in the car, so we have a lot of talks about what's on NPR when we're together.

My view here may not be popular, but I don't think any subject should be off limits, as long as it is discussed in an appropriate way. I shelter my children a lot, but not from information. I won't let them have certain toys or watch certain movies or go to certain places, but I discussed Darfur with Gabriel after he heard a segment about it on the radio. He ended up donating most of his charity money to a group helping children in Darfur, because he was profoundly moved by what he heard. I've noticed that he often listens to the radio when he doesn't seem to be, and then he asks intelligent, interesting questions that lead to good discussions. We also had a long talk about what being Hispanic was after he heard a man on the radio saying Hispanics should "go home". That was the first time he found out that he was Hispanic, and that was hard for me, because he learned what he was, and that some people were prejudiced against him in one go.

But still, we talk about it. And I think it works well for my family. I don't always bring stuff up, but when it comes up, we talk.

[Jo]

We are careful. Rai is sensitive but doesn't have the cognitive understanding for most issues. We try to shield her from a lot because most of it she will never understand or have to deal with. We know she understands more than she can say but not enough to get into issues too deeply.

With the other two, we are taking our approach based on personality. I don't feel that anything is off limits, but at the same time I don't want to introduce issues that they aren't emotionally ready to deal with. Mira, in particular, can be very sensitive and while I don't want to over protect her, we have found that if she is introduced to something too early, it has far reaching effects. For instance, she loves animals and knows more about animals than anyone her age. Dave left some dinosaur program by the Discovery Channel on TV. There was some sort of super spider that could eat small animals. Since then, she has been terrified of bugs. This has been going on for more than 2 months. Before the program, she would pick up a bug, hand it to us and ask us to take it outside.

So for us, it is more of an issue of emotional readiness. Most of those issues are on the news at one point or another and I still watch it regardless. But I don't think Mira in particular will be ready to begin to address them before she is 4. Laura, on the other hand, has a very different personality, and I have a feeling I will be getting questioned before I realize she is ready.

[Kristen]

I tend to handle it much in the same way Kristen does. So far, none of my children seem to be terribly emotionally sensitive(unlike Mira). Joshua had the fortitude to watch LOTR when he was 3, so he's not exactly one to shrink back at scary/sad stuff, and Lisey seems to be the same. It's a little early to tell with Sonia and Zoe, of course.

[Christine]

My view here may not be popular, but I don't think any subject should be off limits, as long as it is discussed in an appropriate way. I shelter my children a lot, but not from information. I won't let them have certain toys or watch certain movies or go to certain places

There have been many times that Morgan has asked me about something she's seen or heard on TV or from other people. I have no problem explaining things to her that are difficult to talk about. I'd rather she heard it from me and not from the news media anyway. At home, we can talk about it in a loving way and about what attitude we should have towards those tragedies.

[Beka]

Very similar to Kristen- i maybe shelter Chase (and to a lesser extent the younger 3 but not as much as their comprehension is fairly limited at the moment but as that grows so will any necessary censorship) but it is mostly from fiction, if she sees something on the news we can and will discuss it, although i tend not to openly expose her to issues if they are in the current events and she is likely aware of their existance anyway then we discuss it as i would much rather her have an honest explanation and form her own opinions from that in the knowledge of what and why her myself and her father believe as we do rather than her gain a bias and possibly bigotted outlook on situations from within the plaground (where we live because it is a v.culturally diverse area and extremely economically deprived many households are white extremist in their views and huge ammounts of xenophobia exists and is pressed onto the children of such families- it is my biggest fear Chase would learn such ignorant views from her friends who's parents have corrupted their minds with ill informed opinions)

I should add- on emotive issues such as abortion I try my very hardest to be factual with Chase and explain to her it is what *some* people chose and that is ok as everyone should have free choice as i don't want her to grow up judgemental of others based on my personal feelings on emotive subjects such as abortion and euthanasia.

[SabrinaJL]

Beka, I explained abortion pretty much the same way.

I don't shield Krysten from difficult things, and I will explain them to her if she asks. Sometimes I may have to tell her that I will discuss it with her later as I might need a couple days to gather my thoughts and figure out exactly what to say to her. I definitely needed a few days for the abortion discussion.

I will also bring things up in a roundabout sort of way, and see if she wants to know anything about it. If she does, we'll talk about it, if she doesn't, I'll leave it for later.