Does anyone have a husband who is adament in not having more?

[MrsSuzNZ]

If you are on the pill would you "forget" to take it to try and get pregnant if you really want another baby but your DH/SO doesn't?

[off-kilter]

Not to be too blunt, no way in hell. That'd be about the same as him going and getting a vasectomy without telling you, wouldn't it?

[Kristen]

Not in that situation, but no, no, no I wouldn't do that. The damage it could do to the marriage would SO not be worth it, not to mention it's flat-out dishonest.

[Beka]

Not in that situation, but no, no, no I wouldn't do that. The damage it could do to the marriage would SO not be worth it, not to mention it's flat-out dishonest.

yep, that- plus i know if he realised it meant that much to me as i am the SAHP david would agree to another if he felt i was being rational and it really was something i needed as a mother to do to feel complete.

During our time with secondary infertility for Jude i met alot of women at ttc boards, many of them who were ttc without their husbands knowledge and waiting on an "accident" ended up as single mothers when they did eventually conceive- a few husbands adapted fine, a few their marriages were shaken badly by it, a few their marriages crumbled as a result and even worse a few now have babies where their husband doesn't acknowledge/feel the same about that child which to me would be a cruel life to raise a child into knowing he/she was only wanted by mom.

[Sam]

NEVER in a million years. If a man messed with our birth control can you imagine the stick he would get? I would never force a man into parenthood,I also would not want a child brought into the world knowing its father didn't want another one in the first place. I have very strong views on this because I honestly think It is really crappy behaviour and if anyone done that to me I would be livid. I know the man doesn't have to carry the child but no one should become a parent against their will,especially someone who trusts his partner.

I can imagine what it is like to want a baby when your partner doesn't but I think forgetting to take your BC is seriously wrong.

[Lori]

Absolutely not. This is something I feel very strongly about, because before we had Thomas, when I was ready to start TTC and Sean wasn't yet, I actually had someone suggest to me that I just not take my pill, as if it were not a big deal. I was just shocked that someone could think that was no big deal.

Right now, Sean is up for having another child in the future, but he's not ready right now, even though I am, and I wouldn't think of getting my IUD removed until he's ready. I would consider it extremely immoral to purposely take action to conceive against the will of my partner.

If I weren't ready to have a baby, and my partner switched my pills up so they'd be ineffective, or poked a hole in my diaphragm, I'd be absolutely livid. I really don't know if I'd be able to continue in a relationship with someone who deceived me about something so important.

I can totally understand the impulse behind it, because it really is awful when you feel ready and your partner isn't, but it is such a major decision that I think both partners have to agree on it. I see nothing wrong with being as persuasive as possible in trying to get your partner to come around to your point of view ;), but I would never condone using deception.

[Kristi]

No way. That is something that should be mutually decided between the two of you. Of course that does not apply if it is genuinely a surprise. But I would never go behind his back and stop taking my pill to get pregnant when I knew that he did not want anymore kids. IMO It is very dishonest. If Tim did something like that to me I do not know if I would be able to trust him. I have seen a friend start fertility treatments without her Dh and he was livid. Actually they are getting a divorce now (Not over that but I would not be surprised if that is where he started to distrust her.)

Besides I would not want to take the chance that he would end up resenting the child because he did not want it. I know Tim wouldn't but I think that some men would.

The whole thing goes back to I see it as lying to my husband and that is something I don't believe in doing.



I am in this situation right now because I really do want another child eventually and Dh says absolutely not. We have three children though so I feel not having more is something I could live with should he not change his mind. I have an IUD in right now so that I do not have to worry about BC. I think that he will eventually come around because the other night we were discussing it and he said "If you have Izzy potty trained by the time she is two. I am making more money. and all of our finances are in order I might conisder it in 3 or 4 yrs" :D Like I said if he does decide that he really does not want another then I can live with that.

[Jejune]

No, no, no. It's disrespectful of the partner. If the circumstances were reversed, and it was the husband who wanted a baby, could he ever be justified in tampering with his wife's birth control? Parenthood is permanent and irrevocable, and though people have surprise pregnancies, forcing someone against their will into a pregnancy is one of the ultimate acts of disrespect and even betrayal to me.

[SarahJ]

Never.
I had to wait three years until my dh was ready to ttc for another baby, and I wanted one so badly. Never once did I think of being so dishonest.

[MrsSuzNZ]

HeHe thanks. I was only asking it was just a random question. :giggle. I definitely wouldn't do it either. I jokingly said it to him and I know he would feel like I lied to him and I know that isn't good in a relationship.

[MrsSuzNZ]

I have heard of people doing it on other forums....

[Tamika]

Ditto all you other gals here. I wonder about the real relationship between a couple if one would resort to that. I actually know a woman who did that to her husband. Of course he had no clue at the time - and I'm not sure if he ever clued in.

I'm in the same boat as Kristi. I would love one more child - I always wanted 4, then I went to one, then okay with two. Now that I have three - well, why not have 4? But Rob is ADAMANT that we're done with three and there's no way I'd take that decision into my own hands. I love and respect him way too much for that.