Freaking myself out

[Lori]

I am starting to really freak myself out here. I woke up for the third day in a row with sore boobs, which I didn't think much of, until I remembered that I had little twingey lower stomach pangs last week, which I chalked up to ovulation pains. Now I'm scaring myself that they were implantation pains. And since I don't get real periods any more, and can't remember the last time I spotted, that's not helping.

Statistically, the chances of my being pregnant are extremely slim. But then you go on the web for five minutes, and see how many people get pregnant using the Mirena, and reason flies out the window.

Sean thinks I should just take a test to ease my mind, which I should, but honestly the idea of taking a pregnancy test is giving me a panic attack.

Would I like another baby? Yup. Do I want to be pregnant? Apparently, hell no! Even the tiniest little thought of possibly being pregnant again has reminded me of how terrible I felt when I was pregnant with T, and what an awful time it was, and I am so scared of going through that again. Sean, on the other hand, apparently finds the idea of having another baby right now very exciting, and thinks it would be great. Who would have thought?

Anyway, there's like a 1 in 100 chance the Mirena failed, so the odds are way against me being pregnant. So hopefully the Mirena is working, the pangs were ovulation, and my boobs are sore for some unknown reason. I'm just trying to keep myself calm until the drugstore by me opens by reminding myself that, if I was pregnant, we are in a very different place in our relationship right now, I'm in a different place emotionally, and I could get through it with some sanity intact. But honestly the thought of it makes me want to cry. :(

[Beka]

The majority of people i know who have got pregnant with a coil implanted have been using non-hormone release ones or nearing the end of the effectiveness of that coil, 4.5 years into a 5 year effective one or such. It does happen though (my cousin has 8 years between her 3rd and 4th boys due to thinking her coil would remain effective beyond the time frame they told her) so i would say do test for peace of mind.

I would also say that it might be worth seeking some counselling to discuss (either by yourself or yourself and Sean) the feelings you have over your pregnancy and birth of Thomas - it might help alot and it might also help you decide when, if ever, you will be ready to actively try as it needs to be something you both really want, not something one half of you is going through because you "should". I think social expectation to give a child a sibling can be an intense stress that we under estimate until a time like this.

[Lori]

Thanks, Beka. I'm going to pick up a test at the grocery store later, since I need food anyway, and hopefully that will get everything straight.

I'm just trying to remind myself that, if/when we have another baby, it will be different. I was just completely blindsided by the anxiety with Thomas. I thought I had totally gotten over my panic disorder, I was thrilled to be having a baby, and I thought I would love being pregnant. So I was totally unprepared for how I felt. I was having severe panic attacks several times every day for much of the first half of the pregnancy, and it was horrible.

But now that we know that happened, we could take precautions next time. I've already talked with my doctor about not going completely off of Zoloft, but going down to 25 mg/day for the first trimester and then going back up to my usual dose after that. And, now that I know it's a possibility that the pregnancy will exacerbate my anxiety, I'll at least be prepared emotionally and mentally for it. I know it's unlikely, if I'm continuing medication, that I'll feel anywhere near as badly as I did with Thomas. I'm just concerned that it could happen, and that I would be unable to take care of Thomas if it did. Because, honestly, I was feeling so horrible with Thomas, and was so completely incapacitated by the anxiety I was feeling, that both me and my marriage almost fell apart, and I think it's the idea of being in that place again that is really scaring me.

[Kristi]

I would say take a test to ease your mind too. It doesn't hurt. The chances are very slim with the IUD in that you will be. But I have also seent the stories online about it happening to so I also get really nervous around the time for AF to show up too even though I know it is not very likely that I would be in that small percentage of women who do get pregnant on an IUD so I understand.

[Lori]

Thank goodness. I think my heart rate has finally returned to normal.

That's not to say I'm not a little disappointed. Surprisingly, I am. But, right now I am more relieved.

[Kristi]

Glad it turned out okay.

[Brooke]

:hugs I do that too on the Mirena. I feel like I'm pg and then I realize that if I was still getting a normal period, it would be around that time. I go through it almost every other month.

I'm glad it turned out how you wanted it to.

[Val]

Oh- I'm glad it went the way you wanted!