View Full Version : I need a good excuse by tomorrow morning...
a good excuse to tell my mother why I can't go out with her and my sister tomorrow. My sister is visiting for a few days, my kids went to stay at my moms with her saturday and sunday night and well, very long story short, they are absolutely traumatised.
Dylan keeps crying at the drop of a hat, Jude outright told me "she scared me, I'm a good boy, she scared me" and Chase openly told me she was far too stern, told the little 2 off for normal kid things, expected far too much of them and basically she has scared the complete and utter wits out of my children.
Dyl and Jude are lovely kids, i'm not just saying that because they are mine but they are fabulous kids. David is seething because apparently she told Dylan (in the grocery store whilst i went off to get something and left Dyl and the cart with my sister) that she would get a smack if she didn't behave- i have NEVER in 10 years of parenting ever physically disciplined my children and certainly not for failing to act like a 30 year old at age 3! I had no idea of this and i feel really bad for my kids now.
Basically my mother is expecting us to have a nice family day out tomorrow, Dylan started crying when i mentioned it, Chase asked could i tell her not to treat the kids like they're in school and Jude just started muttering that he is a good boy and he loves me. My kids have been turned into basket cases after 2 days with her!!!! They adore going to my mothers but my mother will not say no to my sister.
So how do i get out of this- if i tell my mother outright i'll be dismissed and seen as "trouble making" (as my sister is golden child and i am family screw up)
ARRRGGHHHH
AlexG
08-21-2007, 02:51 PM
:hugs Thats awful Beka, what a hard position to be in.
I am struggling here to think. Could you not say that all the kids are out of sorts, you think they're coming down with something, you don't feel too good either and you'd really rather not go? Would your Mum go with that?
:hugs
I probably wouldn't make an excuse - I'd tell them exactly why I wasn't coming. It would be my way of standing up for my kids. Even if you do make an excuse today, because you don't feel like dealing with it, I hope you plan to address it before she sees the kids again.
I probably wouldn't make an excuse - I'd tell them exactly why I wasn't coming. It would be my way of standing up for my kids. Even if you do make an excuse today, because you don't feel like dealing with it, I hope you plan to address it before she sees the kids again.
See now I have tried this one already- I called my mother earlier today and told her exactly why and I got "yes well, the kids will be ok when they see her because Granny will be there" - to my mother denial is a big egyptian river. :rolleyes Although i didn't outright say we'd not be coming I did explain to my mother fully how she makes the children feel and my mother acted like it's some childrens phase. I do think the next step in the morning may have to be a total no though, you are right there.
Editted to add- possibly my only stumbling block and confidence issue in life, my one major crunch point is standing up to my parents and sister, they have always been able to manipulate me and the longer i have allowed them to the more excessive it has gotten. I'll admit my relationship with my mother and sister is my biggest weakness in life and I rarely feel as low and depressed as i do when my sister visits and i know it all stems back to my inability to stand up to her because life has taught me she always "wins" when my parents step in... i swear i feel 14 again
wendygrace
08-21-2007, 09:43 PM
Oh Beka! I am so sorry. I think it may be time for you to take a deep breathe and tell it to her straight. "The children and I will not be spending time with you today as you have treated my children and me without the respect we deserve. I hope you have a nice time and that next time we can do something without traumitizing me or the children". Or something like that. Grrrrrr! I used to let my mom step all over me and now I don't shut up. Makes for fun family visits. My mom just moved about a mile from me. We're thinking of moving out of state. LOL Standing up to your mother will show your kids that you will stick up for them. *hugs* to you. I know how hard this is.
See Wendy that is just it, I think i know what i have to do but it is so hard after so many years of being family door mat because despite the fact i am not a meak person i really don't "do" confrontation within my immediate family because i know they always side with my sister, i will always be the bad guy and i am so eager to please them. I had a big discussion with David about this last night and he pointed out to me whether i please them or not i never move up in their estimations and therefore i may as well please myself!
So this morning i took the rather brave (for me in relation to this whole situation and my fear of confronting my parents/sister) step and called my mother, told her she needed to come down because what i said on the phone last night was not going to go away. So she came down and I got the kids to tell her face to face exactly what went on, why they are like they are and frankly how can anyone tell 3 kids their feelings are invalid? She couldn't, I think i have found the one thing my mother won't defend my sister over and above, my kids. So we have reached an amicable decision, we are going to somewhere of the kids chosing, my mother is coming with us and she will deal with my sister if she tries to order them around and I have faith she will. Although my parents favour my sister they do care alot for my kids so hopefully today should go "ok"
I shall update later (and David was right- i felt like king of the world after all 4 of us told my mother exactly how it is rather than letting her dismiss it all)
Kristen
08-22-2007, 05:26 AM
Good for you for standing up, Beka! I hope the trip goes well!
kcmomma
08-22-2007, 05:31 AM
I hope things work out for you so that you can enjoy your day
wendygrace
08-22-2007, 04:06 PM
Good for you! You did great! I know how hard it is. I am the bottom of the barrel in my family too. I think you did wonderful having the children stick up for themselves. How empowering for them!
That's great to hear, Beka! I hope things went well today.
I"m soo happy that you stood up for yourself and your kids Beka. That is awesome. i'm sorry you always feel second rate to your sister. From what I can see, you are the top.