What are the hardest things for you as a parent?

[Brooke]

What are the hardest parts of being a parent for you? Does this reflect on anything from your childhood?

[Lori]

My biggest struggle is patience. I'm the kind of person who, when I know what I want or need to do, wants to just do it, and do it as quickly and efficiently as possible. It's very hard, with a small child, though, to do things either quickly or efficiently, and I find that I lose my patience a lot more often than I'd like. My mother was very similar. We used to joke that she had so much patience with her students, but none with us, and I can understand that now. When you're with your own kids, and feel like there are a million things you need to be doing around the house, and at the same time feel like you should be responding to your child constantly, then it's very easy to lose patience. I think that I do a pretty good job, more and more, of lowering my expectations in both categories and thereby keeping calm in a situation that would otherwise make me very impatient.

It's getting easier because Thomas is becoming more patient and less demanding, so he's not constantly making demands of me when I'm trying to do something else. I think I'm also getting better at figuring out how to do things in the most efficient way for me now, with a child, which is often very different from the most efficient way I had to do things before I had a child. The more I procrastinate on doing things, obstensibly because I don't have time or Thomas is bugging me about something else, the less patient I am. I also feel like I'm getting better at being able to judge what a reasonable expectation of Thomas is and what isn't, and so it's easier to determine when I just need to suck it up and be patient and when he's being unreasonably demanding and needs to take a time out.

It's difficult in some ways because, on the one hand, I don't want to just write off a behavior as okay because my parents did it and I turned out fine. On the other hand, I do think that certain of my parents' flaws ending up being good for me, because it showed me that parents are human beings, and that you can be an imperfect human being and still be a very good parent. I used to think I should never yell as a parent, even though my mother was a yeller and honestly I don't think it had a bad impact on me, because "people say" it's a bad thing to do. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that, my mother never swore at us, never demeaned us, never said terrible things to us. She's just a loud person who, when emotional, gets louder. I'm the same way. I feel like I was putting all of this pressure on myself not to yell, when I'm a loud person, and I raise my voice when I'm very emotional, whether it be a positive or negative emotion. But once I realized that I can tell the difference between talking to Thomas in a way that scares him (no matter how loud I'm being) and talking to him in a way that he's okay with (no matter how loud I'm being), I realized that the noise level of my voice has very little impact, and the tone and words are what makes the difference. So rather than forcing myself to change something very long-standing about how I act--being a loud person who gets much, much louder when emotional--I was able to realize that it was what I was saying that mattered, not how loud. And that allowed me to look back and realize that that was a similar issue for my mother, and that in my relationship with her, what she said to me was always much, much more important than how loud it was. And I try to put the patience issue in perspective, as well. I can't be totally patient. I don't think that's a terrible thing, because I think it's okay for children to learn that their parents have needs, as well, and feel just as irritated as they do when their needs aren't met. So I've stopped condemning myself for being impatient, and instead just try to focus on how to reduce the times that I am, and express it in a way that Thomas can learn from when it's not something I can avoid.

[Desirae]

Patience is the hardest for me. My mom was always good at losing her temper and just screaming at us. I really really don't want to do that. :( I hate the look in Aidan's eyes when I do yell.

[Jenny]

well with Tanner going to HS next year, my biggest thing is letting him go and grow on his own. We have done a great job with him and he is a good kid. but I am just worried about him getting beat up, etc when he hits highschool.

[Shana]

Saying no, and letting go ;)

I really want to give my kids everything that I can, and do whatever I can FOR them.

My mom gets after me on this one all of the time, the classic, "Don't you EVER tell Kaleb NO?!!" :whatever

The plain and simple fact is, that if I can do something that one of my kids needs, or wants, and it will make them happy, why not? And sometimes if it involves a bit of effort or hardship on my part well what the heck? Isn't that what I signed up for as a parent?

NOW contrast this to.... my own mom, who I love dearly now, but she RARELY did anything out of the way or extra special for me. She's just not that kind of person. That may be why I am the way that I am.

I also am having a HARD TIME letting go. Kaleb told me the other day that he wants to drive to a concert ON HIS OWN in May after he gets his license.

Eh.... I just don't think I'm going to let him. I thought he would want his Mom to take him for years to come! And I can't believe it... he looks at me, rolls his eyes and goes, "MOM! I am ** 16 **!!".

And in the back of my head, a little voice cries and goes, "No! No... you're not... you're only 6!":sigh

The growing up thing is VERY hard for me.

[Shasta]

The worries x 3!! I never imagined I would worry about someone like I do about these boys, I just want to keep them happy, healthy and safe, and that's not always within my control.:(

[Beka]

Self confidence and instilling it in my girls, i was raised with quite low self esteem in a society where i was taught not to challenge authority which by it's very nature teaches us to be meak which in turn results in low self confidence because everytime you don't stand up to someone it puts you a peg lower down and i was taught my parents would be disappointed if i was in trouble, i equated confrontation of others with being in trouble and therefore constantly backed down.

It takes a great deal for me not to have that rub off on my girls (with the boys some how it's been less of a challenge encouraging them to be confident) I also find most of my faults & issues are in parenting Chase, I'm made aware of those faults and correct them before they continue down the family line. I worried alot about what people thought when i was a very young parent to chase and it has rubbed off in part on her- she's my most reserved, conservative child and I blame myself entirely for that.