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How drastically did having your first baby change you as a person?
That's a tough question. In terms of my overall lifestyle, it honestly changed things very little. I wasn't someone who spent much time in places where children weren't welcome, or stayed out late, or partied, or anything like that. After Thomas was born, I basically went on doing the same things I had been doing before, but would just have a baby with me while I did them.
But in terms of the moment-to-moment details of my life, it changed things quite a bit, obviously.
As a person, being a parent has definitely made me far more aware of my limitations than I was before, and has made me much more reflective and self-critical. I always feel like this might be a bad reflection on me ;), but I was a far more high-strung person before I had a child than after. I became much more laid-back and easygoing after Thomas was born, about pretty much everything. I'm definitely much, much less self-righteous and judgemental than I was before he was born, again about pretty much everything. My own capacities for impatience and pettiness and irritation and cruelty have become fully apparent to me, and when you realize that a small child can drive you to those things, for me it made me realize that those things aren't caused by what other people do to me (it's not their fault), but by how I react to other people (it's my fault). So I feel like I'm far more aware of my limitations and flaws than I could have ever been before. That probably sounds negative, but I feel like it's been a change for the better, and has made me much more self-aware about all sorts of things than I was before.
Christine
03-23-2007, 07:29 AM
It changed me completely!
I went from being very much a selfish little brat to being a MOM overnight. The more kids I've had, the more focused I've become on doing the best for them. I have just recently learned how to bring myself back up on my priority list, but it took time and practice.
Morgan was a very adaptable child, but Kailyn wasn't. So I also had to learn how to put limits on what we did and where we went.
It didn't change me much at all, at first. The whole mommy thing didn't really kick in till Madalyn was older. I had some severe depression after she was born and didn't bond with her very well for quite some time. Additionally I had a MIL who was willing and able to babysit a lot and she kept Madalyn numerous times a week for me so I was still going lots of places child-free and doing a lot of the same stuff I was doing prior to her birth (nothing bad; I've never been a partier. I just mean going out and spending time by myself.) Also Madalyn was a really easy baby so we took her pretty much anywhere we wanted to go -- really nice restaurants, on trips, etc. We didn't have to change much at all for her. Even after I got past the depression and really started to bond with her MIL still helped out tons and we still kept traveling and taking her places. I didn't have to change much at all until after JZ was born and MIL passed away. That put us into a WHOLE other world!
Erika
03-23-2007, 09:46 AM
It's changing me everyday. The main difference is I am more assertive (in some regards), feistier, far less selfish, a lot more tired, thinking further into the future and especially consider how my choices will affect our family.
The main thing that has changed though is that I am far less tolerant than before. I just don't have the time or energy to deal with other peoples neuroses or issues, at least the same extent. And if I ask for something to be done, I really don't want to have to ask again and again or wait for ages for it to be done. SO James is learning quickly that if I ask him to put the washing in the dryer, I don't mean in 2 hours LOL
Jenny
03-23-2007, 12:23 PM
It made me turn from a somewhat selfish teenager into someone who is responsible for this little bundle of love.
It also made me a very shy person, as I always felt that people were judging me.
Shasta
03-24-2007, 09:05 AM
Wow! It changed me a lot! I was used to being taken care of, and all the sudden, I had to take care of someone else. It all happened at once it seems, Mike and I moved out of our family's and in together and then I found out I was 2 months pregnant. I had to learn to take care of a house and all the "housewife" duties and be a mom. I did adjust super well though, it all came really easily to me. It definitely made me much less selfish, I was used to everything being about me, but when I became a mom, that was over, I put my kids first from day one. I made healthier lifestyle choice and cared about myself more, because I knew that I had to take care of myself, in order to be there for my kids.
This still comes in to play when I think of doing something stupid, like struggling with smoking again, when I was younger, I just did it, I didn't care. But now, when I think of doing it again, I think no, it's harmful to my body and that would be really selfish of me to put my body in danger, when I need to be here for the kids. Not that smoking kills you instantly, but that's just what comes in to my head when I think about doing it. That I would be letting my kids down.
It made me turn from a somewhat selfish teenager into someone who is responsible for this little bundle of love.
It also made me a very shy person, as I always felt that people were judging me.
Ditto!